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Pohl Reaches Capacity As Students Believe They Can Achieve Spring Break Body In 4 Days

 

Though the Spring Break countdown on everyone’s mind is in the single digits, the line at UNT’s own Pohl Rec Center has reported a hike in visitors in search of that one-week chubby-trim. Shredding for that beach bod in a mere four days is apparently totally possible, and totally worth doing. 

 

With the new urgency to get to the gym on most students’ minds, the Rec is facing the repercussions. Onlookers from the UNT Health Clinic have stated it’s nearly impossible to get in the door at Pohl Rec Center. “The Rec looks like a Carl’s Junior is handing out free burgers, there are people sandwiched in the door unable to get in the building, ” claimed Patricia Lyons a senior who works at Pohl. “I wish I could just sit and watch these people play whatever deranged Tetris game they’re playing to fit in the door, let alone awkwardly navigate around themselves when they finally get into the gym.”

 

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Meanwhile, the Health Clinic is on high alert for any entry-related incidents, and is considering a free class for students to gain knowledge about fitness, such as the amount of time it takes to actually lose weight, dieting, and fitting into standard human sized doors, for example.  

 

Kyle Lopez, a sports medicine and kinesiology major, sat down with The Black Sheep for an interview. “I’m appalled that these students are unaware of the simply benefits that a morning protein shake followed by 30 minutes of Shake Weight before getting into the shower can do. That’s my daily routine and it did wonders for my mirror pictures.” Unfortunately, that interview was cut short because no one wanted to continue to talk to Kyle, including his room mates who groaned when Kyle urged, unprompted, that “that’s totally why he takes super long showers.” 

 

We then turned to a practical Rec Center employee, Carlos Bosworth, who commented on the pre-Spring Break craziness. “I just work the card slide, but I just saw three people on a treadmill and four people sharing one jump rope,” Carlos said. “I’m also getting a little worried about the people who think just showing up to the Rec means they’re losing weight.” Carlos then pointed to a large group of about seventeen students sitting at The Smoothie King, thumb-wrestling. “It’s kind of like students who go to the library and just sit in there for hours, not doing any actual studying.” 

 

Pohl staff anticipates the crammed building to reach its maximum capacity if students continue to believe they can miraculously lose their winter coats in four days, and fire marshals are standing near in case that happens. UNT asks students to be realistic in their endeavors this week, stay out of harm’s way, take a second to love your body, and eat a donut or twenty. 

 

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