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Recipe For Disaster: Rubbery AF Chicken

Delicious chicken, what is it good for? Stop bothering with the Google searches for “how to bake the perfect chicken.” You don’t want that. You want what’s easy and gross. So you’ve come to The Black Sheep for advice. Good move. We have the secret, but for the perfect chicken, no. To the rubberiest, blandest, stringiest chicken ever. And we’re giving it to you. That’s goddamn right, you lucky bastard.

 

What You’ll Need:

 

Frozen chicken breast. No salt, no seasoning, no extra ingredients to make this mess taste better. Just a chicken with all of its hopes and dreams crushed out of it during its formative years. Also, with the bones, blood, and guts crushed out of it during the manufacturing process.

 

Cook Time: A little less than an hour.

 

Fatty Factor:

 

Just lean, lean, protein. Or maybe about 1.4 grams.

 

Let’s Get Baked:

– Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

– Place a piece of tin (or aluminum if you’re against tin poisoning) foil on a baking sheet.

– Place the breast of chicken in the middle of the tinfoil.

– Fold/wrap the foil to create a little pocket for your precious breast.

– Bake for 40-50 minutes, depending on if you decide to watch a cable or HBO TV show in the meantime.

– Remove from oven (with oven mitts or sheer badassery).

– Unwrap the foil.

– Enjoy your tasteless piece of flesh.

 

If you followed all the instructions properly, there will be disgusting white globs attached to the cooked chicken. A sign of a truly poorly-cooked chicken, those are weird goops of some type of protein that usually occur with 1) poorly frozen chicken or 2) poorly (or over)-cooked chicken. But you want this chicken to be as gross as possible, so those cum drops are a good sign. Dig in!

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