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Recipe For Disaster: Slow Cooker Chicken

One of the most important skills you can ever learn is time management. Clearly you haven’t mastered that yet because you’re supposed to be studying for an exam but instead you’re reading The Black Sheep. Also, you haven’t eaten and your stomach is grumbling. Too bad, because this recipe takes at least 3 hours to make, so you really should have planned ahead. But in the future, you will be excellent at time management because you read this article.


What You’ll Need:

A Crock-Pot or generic slow cooker.

Chicken breast(s).

Some kind of vegetable(s). We used onions and mushrooms.

Chicken broth. (Or stock, if there’s not a difference. We don’t know for sure).

Cook Time:

Better take a nap.

Fatty Factor:

100 calories.


Let’s Get Baked:

– Plug the Crock-Pot into an outlet. This step is super important because if you forget, you’re going to come back 3-5 hours later and realize that nothing was cooking the entire time.

– Spray the bottom of the pot with non-stick spray. Or don’t, if you like to live dangerously.

– Place the chicken on the bottom. Sprinkle with whatever seasoning you happen to have in your cabinet. Just salt and pepper? That’s fine, too.

– Place the chopped veggies on top of the chicken to cover it.

– Pour enough chicken broth to cover everything.

– Cook on LOW for 3-5 hours or HIGH for a different amount of time.

– Go do other stuff, like study or exercise or read a book. (JK, we know all you’re going to do is watch 3-5 hours of Portlandia. New season on Netflix!)

– Smell the fruits of your (minimal) labor throughout the house/apartment/dorm*

*Probably not legal to use a Crock-Pot in the dorms, but we don’t know. Live dangerously.

– Return to the pot, open the pot, and look at the food. Savor the food. Eat the food.


There, you’re done (if you started 3-5 hours ago, if not, get going!). This recipe can be altered for several different types of ingredients. You can use different cuts of chicken, that one type of beef that falls apart, whatever pork they use to make pulled pork, etc. The point is, you are no longer a procrastinator! Congratulations!

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