“They just don’t get the culture we have set up here,” says a resident who wished to remain unnamed. “The new girl down the hall keeps smiling and trying to be friendly with everyone. Frankly, it’s disgusting.”
Just like every year, the mass emigration from every other dorm to the Promised Land full of singles has left a sour taste in more than a few people’s lives. Many are asking what could be so bad that you can’t stay living with your roommate, because of course, “I survived freshman year with a roommate. Granted, he basically lived at his girlfriend’s room 90% of the time, but still. Kids these days don’t know anything about the hard work of making things work. It’s pathetic.”
The local Lothropians were adamant that these newcomers were bringing about a type of gentrification that is definitely ruining the cold and closed-off atmosphere that the locals have worked so hard to maintain.
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“There’s even people talking in the hallway now!” Scoffed a girl who has lived in Lothrop since August, “I mean, they just said hello, but still! Everyone knows smiles are louder than just walking around with Resting Bitch Face. Pretty soon we’re going to be considered rude for not talking to our neighbors, and not acknowledging that they exist won’t be socially accepted! It’s not fair at all. I’m disgusted.”
When our hard-hitting correspondents approached some of those who have escaped their old residences in favor of the solitude that Lothrop seems to bring, no one really wanted to talk to us. There were a few friendly faces, but we were unsurprised to find out that those were the RAs that haven’t become bitter and resentful (yet).
We did get one anonymous comment from someone who claims to have friends in Lothrop, “You know, it’s honestly not that bad here! I mean, the construction is loud and literally no one on my floor has noticed that there’s a new person. Also, I’m pretty sure the girl across the hall has been playing Zayn’s new single nonstop since I moved in. But honestly, it’s not that bad here. I like my newfound privacy. It’s worth the hike up the hill, for the most part.”
When we asked why they left, many were afraid to sound like “the crazy one” if they talked about their old roommates. One new resident mumbled something that vaguely sounded like, “never showered,” followed by “going to bed at really weird hours of the night.” Another rolled his eyes when we asked, and told us that we didn’t even want to know what that room smelled like before he left.
When we approached Panther Central for a comment, they just rolled their eyes and said that we needed to talk to our RDs before they could process our room change forms. When we tried to explain that that’s not we wanted, they told us it was too late to switch our meal plans, but if we needed a housing cart, they could give us one of those.