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Sexiled Students Resentful about Snow Days, Glad Classes have Resumed


Nothing’s better than a snow day, right? Terps will pay almost any price for some missed classes–even that last week of ridiculously frigid, face-numbering cold was worth it. (Besides, it’s not hard to find techniques on keeping warm.)


And what better way to celebrate the snow day than with some dorm sex? It’s too cold to go outside, it’s warm inside, and you have nothing else to do (well, you could catch up on homework, but… let’s be real here.) Just check that you’re not out of free condoms from the Health Center, throw on some sexy Terp gear, put on “Formation,” and don’t forget to tell your roommate.





… Ah, right. The roommate. Have you ever considered just how difficult it is to be sexiled on a snow day? Every good thing has its price, and cozy, stuck-in-my-overheated-dorm sex is no exception. 


Most people say, “My snow day was great! I just sat around and watched TV.” Oh, yeah? Imagine not even being able to stay inside your own room. No wonder people get bitter.


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It’s an unfortunate fact that continued snow days leave sexiled roommates with very few options. On warm days, finding a safe haven is quite simple –hanging out on the mall, getting lunch at Stamp, visiting friends in other dorms or apartments, but intense weather prevents would-be escapees from even leaving their dorms. When the black ice is so bad you can’t leave Ellicott, it gets old hanging out in the lounge all the time. You’re stuck there with all the other sexiled people trying to ignore the sound of people having orgasms down the hall. Cinderblock walls conduct sound all too well.




Resourceful students attempt to make the best of a bad situation by getting homework done, catching up on Netflix, and bonding with other sexiles. The common enemy of sexually active roommates encourages great solidarity and lasting friendships. There was nothing else to do, you end up walking to the Commons Shop and trying all the different kinds of mac’n’cheese. 


Most students learn to tolerate their refugee status for up to two days, but this existence in limbo is so draining that they find themselves eager for normal school hours to resume. It’s a rough few days, being forced to sleep on the lounge couch for so many nights in a row that one gets a bit of Stockholm Syndrome– the couch started feeling more comfortable than your bed.

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