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Six Ways A Srat Rat Like You Can Make the Instagram Explore Page

 

Your personality, your closest friends, your dreams and passions—nothing says more about a respectable Greek woman than her Instagram account. Every picture and caption shows a little of your heart, soul, and credit limit. But what if you aren’t Instagramming as well as you could be? If you aren’t getting 150+ likes on every picture, you’ve got some work to do. How can anyone possibly judge your personality without a good Instagram? Views? Opinions? Ew. Here are our top tips in order to be top tier on your favorite social platform.

 

6.) Poppin’ Captions:
Are your captions lame and outdated? Fix that shit. No one is going to like a picture with a caption they’ve seen, like, five million times. Your “Closer” lyrics have been seen just as many times as matte black Hunter boots on a slightly rainy day. And don’t pull that 2K-blah blah shit anymore. Our girl Fergie said it best–you have to be three thousand and eight, not two thousand and late.

 

5.) Start Eating Cooler Foods:

You can’t just Insta your sad ass salad with no croutons and dressing on the side. Julia Roberts said you can eat, pray, and love (minus the pray, which you only do when your parents are in town). You need to really broaden your horizons, explore ethnic cuisine…like acai bowls, or Chipotle. Extra guac means extra likes, and no one needs to know that you just made your smoothie too thick.

 

4.) Change Your Setting:

If you Insta several selfies in a row, that’s a personal decision. But if it’s the same angle and background, we’re here to stage an intervention. We’ve all seen your crappy futon and the paint swatch wall you practically stole from Home Depot. Change your scenery, change your life—bible.

 

3.) Be a Loyal Follower:

If you follow everyone in your sorority, you should be averaging 150 likes per pic. If you’re not, you are not a loyal sister. You paid for your friends, and you’re essentially paying for Instagram likes without having to sell body wraps or poo poo tea. It doesn’t matter if it’s a picture of a turd or someone’s half-ass attempt at contouring, you have to like it. Show your loyalty and they’ll be obligated to like back.

 

2.) #STOP:

Hashtags are the HPV of Instagram—just like when Becky got it, we all knew, we just didn’t talk about it. It isn’t particularly bad, but frowned upon. As a sorority woman, you have to uphold the highest standards of social conduct. That includes not being a goober and hashtagging every caption. If you aren’t sarcastically hashtagging or at a wedding, we’re questioning how you got a bid.

 

1.) Candid AF:

Any Insta model knows that her best angle is a candid chuckle. It’s crazy what a slight tilt of the chin can do. It makes you look skinny, friendly, and approachable—everything you aren’t when midterms and Grubhub exist. Always tilt down to avoid the triple chin you got by missing cycling classes for half-offs. Think Khloe Kardashian circa 2015, not 2008.

 

A better Instagram could change your life. You might find Mr. Top Tier sliding in your DMs, get a sponsorship with a teeth whitening startup, or just enjoy the sheer satisfaction of being famous for no reason. Without a doubt, these tips will have your likes blowing up.

Homecoming? Isn’t that like, for old people?

 

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