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Sorority Sister Tears ACL from Sorority Squatting

With the duck face going out of style, an innovative group of self-proclaimed sisters decided to do the front row squat down for large group pictures, even though there was no one standing behind them. Thus, the sorority squat was born.


The sorority squat is actually a very simple two-step process. Put your hands on your thighs and then lean on them. That’s literally it. If you need any more clarification, take a look at this step-by-step breakdown of the pose. Physically, the new pose stretches the limbs and outlines the backside, giving a skinnier appearance while maintaining that bootylicious image. The best part of the pose is that it works in large groups, whereas the duck face would accidentally attract too many local hunters. With a new way to accentuate the body in large groups, history was changed forever. Unfortunately, the trend has proven itself to be more dangerous than planned.


This past Saturday, amongst the day longs that crowded frat row, Katie Griffin, sister of the Delta Delta Kappa sorority, tore her ACL while on her third sorority squat gesture in a large group picture of the day. Sources say she “literally can’t even,” and according to doctors, the tear is almost entirely from the trending “sorority squat” pose.


The Black Sheep was able to talk to this sorority squat victim. Katie, a blond, upper-middle class sister that literally has the best big ever, explained “Oh my god it was so awful. We start posing for a picture by leaning on our thighs and the next thing I know I’m on the ground in like, so much pain. I just literally couldn’t even. I just literally can’t even, still!”


Witnesses and fellow sisters explained how “we literally couldn’t even” when asked whether they could or could not even as well. This incident has served as a big warning for fellow sisters of the Delta Delta Kappa sorority.


Delta Delta Kappa has taken action after such recent events, in an effort to raise awareness, by buying knee checks for every sister through University Health Services. Now, in addition to their routine Herpes checks, many sorority girls are beginning to get their knees inspected on a regular basis. We were able to get a word from one of the UHS nurses.


The UHS nurse explained “It was only a matter of time until this happened. Their legs are already weak enough from the amount of time they spend on their knees — and now they’re leaning on them for no reason! This is why I recommend wearing knee braces. Whether you’re going for a jog, squatting for a picture, or putting out, a knee brace will give that extra help needed to support the basic sorority lifestyle.” Hopefully, the trend will end without any more casualties.


Although the future of the sorority squat is not totally clear, this event serves as a caution to the rest of the world. Looking forward, only time will tell whether chronic knee issues become common among sororities, or if knee braces become the newest fashion in the basic lifestyle. Either way, we literally can’t even.


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