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Student Attending University via Trust Fund Claims to be Typical “Broke College Kid”

Spencer David Mayfield Hatcher IV, trust fund beneficiary and sixth generation UD legacy, was overheard complaining about the cost of his fall semester textbooks in Lieberman’s last Friday afternoon. The junior groaned when handed his receipt, then proceeded to pull his parents’ credit card out of his wallet and hand it to the cashier.


“Who charges three-hundred dollars for a book?!” He questioned, exasperated, as he re-adjusted his Rolex.


When he’s not attending classes or grumbling over the extra cost of guac at Chipotle, Hatcher spends most of his time perfecting his back swing at the Newark Country Club. He also enjoys online shopping for new Ray Bans (he lost his last pair while sailing in Nantucket over the summer). His hobbies include whining, verbally abusing waiters at fancy restaurants, and boasting about the position that’s waiting for him at his father’s company as soon as he graduates.


When it comes to his school year budget, Hatcher makes his plans public on his twitter page:


“Too broke to buy anything this semester but the necessities!!! #VineyardVines and #CoronaLimes”


“UGH I’m soooo broke,” he lamented later that night at Grotto’s after his fifth eight-dollar drink. “Last night for dinner I ate Ramen, it’s like I’m homeless.”


Sources report that this behavior and talk of relatable poverty went on until girls approached Hatcher and his friends, at which point he began to flash his Black Amex and offer to buy them whatever drinks they wanted. He reportedly participated in conversation about Greek life, majors, and stories about annoying roommates. When the subject of student loans was brought up, however, he sat in silent confusion.


Hours later, Hatcher brought his friends and the girls all back to his studio apartment and apologized for his “shitty living space.” His guests were awed by the décor his mother arranged upon his moving in, though he refused to admit to his friends that it wasn’t the work of his own expertise. For the rest of the night, the group played games on Hatcher’s Wii U and drank champagne out of crystal glasses.


The next morning when asked to accompany them to Newark Deli and Bagels, Spencer David Mayfield Hatcher IV declined his friends and claimed not to have enough money to pay for breakfast. Minutes later, neighbors reported seeing Hatcher climb in to his 2015 Mercedes (sporting a “NOBAMA” sticker on the rear bumper) and speed off. Sources claim that he traveled home to his parents’ estate by the shore for brunch instead.

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