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 Student Playing Sparty Actually Has a Lot to Say

 

We all know and love good ole’ Sparty: the spirit of our school, and the captain of our souls. What we don’t always think about, however, is the individual beneath that handsome and abnormally large head. Sorry to break the mirage, but there’s someone underneath that mask, and we can’t help but wonder just who that might be.  The Black Sheep took it upon ourselves to investigate and find the answers, and it turns out that there’s a lot lying underneath our iconic mascot.

 

Meet Jeremy Simon, a current MSU senior pursuing a degree in communication, or as most people know him, our very own Sparty.

 

“I actually started being Sparty when my roommate and suitemates freshman year kept persuading me to try out,” Jeremy explained. “They were super persistent about it, said I had the right charisma or something.”

 

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“Yeah, we really just wanted to get him to shut up,” Jeremy’s roommate, Bryan, told one of our reporters. “I love the kid, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes he doesn’t know when to put a sock in it. It’s always one thing after another: Minions, memes, what his grandma did last weekend. It’s like scrolling through your Facebook feed, except you can’t exit out of it.”

 

Jeremy’s freshman suitemate, Derek, said it really helped his relationship with his friend Jeremy.

 

“It was nice to not hear him talk anymore,” Derek reported.

 

Despite the success of keeping Jeremy hush-hush, silencing this senior has sometimes done more harm than help for the East Lansing community.

 

“One time, I was walking home from a successful night of pumping up the student section at a football game, and I saw an old woman get mugged by a couple of hoodlums,” Jeremy recalled. “I had no way of calling for help, and all the gestures I made to other people were only returned with selfies and high fives.” Jeremy shook his head. “It’s the price you pay for being the pride and joy of the school.”

 

Whether you’re a fan in the student section or his very own roommate, there’s one thing we know for sure: Sparty is always keeping us on our toes.

 

“Ya never know what he’s gonna say when he finally takes of that mask,” Bryan said. “A majority of the time, it’s just him yelling ‘JET FUEL CAN’T MELT STEEL BEAMS’ the second he takes off his head. Other times, it’s something profound, like ‘Life is but a mystery, filled with clues only leading to more questions,’ or ‘I saw a dead body in the dumpster behind Wells.’ Ya never know.” 

 

The mystery that is Sparty remains a mystery after all. Even after the man under the mask is revealed, you never truly know what to expect from this Spartan soul. But if there’s one thing that isn’t a mystery, it’s Jeremy’s dedication to pumping up MSU’s fans. He has yet to fail at making our spirits soar, even if he has failed at reporting crime in the tri-state area. He may not be the hero we need, but he’s the flexing, crowd riling Spartan we deserve.  

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