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Student Realizes He’s Ruining an Otherwise Great Class


This past Thursday, Justin Noyen had a brief epiphany and began to wonder if he was ruining his Intro to Sociology class. Legend says it went like this: the class professor was answering another student’s question. When Noyen raised his slightly sweaty hand and asked without being called on: “Do you care if we use pen or pencil for our notes?” It was in that moment that two things happened: Noyen had a breakthrough and everyone else in the class suddenly need a Xanax.


“It just hit me all of a sudden, that maybe I was being annoying?” Noyen half-asked, half-said. “Like, maybe I shouldn’t be asking questions I already know the answer to? Like I shouldn’t just talk for the sake of hearing my own voice?” Again Noyen half-asked The Black Sheep with his voice getting slightly defensive and high-pitched at the end.


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However it is safe to say that Noyen is still understanding these new concepts of “be annoying” and “ruining things with his mouth.” He’s still attempting to comprehend exactly what is or is not irritating for his classmates.


“So I can’t ask in front of the entire class which side the date gets written on?” Noyen said. “And I can’t voice my white, male opinion on things about gender or race inequality? But what do I do when I have all these thoughts about injustice that I’ve personally never faced?” Multiple heads slammed on the desks in front of them.


“I just don’t get why he needs to open his mouth,” said classmate Jenna Lyons, “Class is so much fun when he isn’t around to tell our professor he saw a documentary on the History Channel a few years about human migration. What does that even have to do with sociology?”


Currently, Noyen is still in the first stage of coming to terms with his annoyingness called denial. Soon, however, he will switch very quickly to anger, the next stage in his healing process.


“What do you mean I can’t say every thought that pops into my head?! Am I not entitled to say my opinions regardless of how useful or helpful they are to other people?!” He screams at nothing in particular with a whiny voice while we tried to get a word in with his professor.


“Noyen? Oh man,” said Sociology Professor Dayne Wills, “I hate that kid.” Professor Wills went on to say that as a teacher he wishes he could tell someone to just stop existing: “But I guess that’s frowned upon by the big man upstairs,” he said, “No, not God! I meant T. Haas.”


On this journey of self-discovery, Noyen’s classmates are helping him understand just how great his class would be without him. But that’s not hard with a good professor, easy homework and tests, and a class that’s willing to answer questions and have polite group discussions. All of this could be achievable if Noyen could keep at least 50% of his thoughts in his head instead of saying them out loud.


“I would give anything to make myself look stupid and say something I clearly already know the answer to,” Noyen said reaching the bargaining stage. “God please just let me talk for no reason other than I like hearing the sound of my voice.”


As Noyen continues on his quest of “shutting the fuck up for once,” he will pass the depression stage to finally be accepting of his condition. For everyone in his class, including his professor, this is a triumph for mankind and a win for college students across the world. It stands a reminder that it’s never too late for anyone to change their ways and make the classroom a less shitty place than it already is.


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