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Students Believe They Raise Man from the Dead, Actually Just Bad Acid Trip

This All Hallows’ Eve began much like any other for two sophomore Redbirds: Andrew Banks and Lindsey Jacobs. The Illinois State students attended a party thrown by a friend’s older brother on Dewey Street with every intention of making the most out of everyone’s favorite holiday.  

 

“We got to the party at around eleven. We didn’t want to be the n00bs that show up first,” said Banks, “that’s n00bs with two zeros, not o’s, by the way.” The party was in full swing by the time they arrived.  

 

By midnight, the four students were feeling drunker than expected. “I really didn’t drink that much, maybe three beers by then? But it didn’t feel like that,” said Jacobs, “it felt like taking seven shots of Burnett’s in a row with no chaser… and then taking molly… and then being spun around ten times and then trying to hit a piñata made of human skin. It was fun at first, but then just scary.”  

 

One of the party house’s residents, Billy Baker, began to talk to them and could see they were extremely drunk. “One of them wanted to go to a graveyard and find zombies. I thought it sounded cool so I decided to tag along and bring some beer to see if the undead like to party.”  

 

The three of them ventured outside. “The world felt like it was turning way too fast,” remembered Andrew Banks. “Things were the wrong colors and I swear to God I saw trash can turn into a talking mushroom man. I was tweaking, dude.” Outside, the group realized none of them knew of any graveyards in town, let alone how to get there, so they simply began to walk aimlessly. 

 

The group found a small creek behind some apartments on Flora Way. “Both of them were convinced we had made it to a graveyard, so we went with it,” said Baker. Baker then sat down near the creek. “Banks kept saying he knew there were zombies around,” recalled Jacobs. “Zombies only come out on Halloween, guys. They do!’ He kept screaming. So it was no wonder he mistook Baker for a zombie.” 

 

Baker stood up slowly and Banks immediately ran at him yelling, “DIE ZOMBIE, DIE,” and began attacking him. “He got in a few good punches, actually,” said Baker. “I figured I’d let him think he killed me, so I just fell to the ground. They ran away after that.” 

 

Banks and Jacobs immediately ran to the police station to enlighten law enforcement of what they thought was a zombie attack. “We’re fairly used to getting some crazies in here on Halloween,” Police officer Earl Stevens told The Black Sheep. After a drug test, it was revealed the two of them had been slipped acid at some point during the night, which explained the zombie sightings. 

 

“No charges were pressed against Andrew Banks for punching William Baker,” Officer Stevens noted. “We figured tripping balls and visions of the undead was punishment enough.”

 

Officer Stevens warned other students who find themselves in similar situation “be aware of your surroundings and don’t let anyone convince you to go to a graveyard and kill zombies. We really didn’t think we had to tell you that… Aren’t you guys supposed to be in college?”

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