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T. Haas Announces ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Was a Hoax

 

In a press conference Friday afternoon in the Allendale Field House, a visibly-emotional President Thomas Haas announced to the gathered journalists and students present that his viral Ice Bucket Challenge video from last year was faked.

 

With his wife resolutely standing by his side, President Haas explained that he did not take part in the actual challenge because of an incredibly important meeting later that day with a Crunchwrap Supreme.

 

President Haas presented a PowerPoint explaining the work that went into making the video, pausing occasionally to wipe the tears from his eyes. His part in the video was videotaped a week beforehand, sitting on a chair in front of a green screen in the Kirkhof basement, with a pair of anonymous film students recording his introduction and cutting the shot right before he was hit with the ice.

 

Haas then got up and replaced himself with an identical sit-in, who was recorded receiving the icy impact. The President then had his face filmed recording his challenge nominees, and state-of-the-art image technology was used to mask his face over the dampened stand-in’s. The two film students recorded footage of the Field House parking lot, before adding the President into the shot with CGI.

 

He concluded the presentation by apologizing once again and noting that the meeting he was anxious about ended up being cancelled but he decided to watch TV instead. He then left the stage, refusing to take questions. When reached for comment about his involvement in the video, and wanting to know why Haas faked the video, Louie the Laker just shook his head and looked at the ground.

 

The reveal of the video’s true nature has prompted a variety of responses in the Grand Valley community. Much of the discussion has focused on if Haas needs to make amends for his frozen fakery. “He lied to us,” said Chelsea Burnett, a sophomore, “he took what was supposed to be a fun way to combat a serious, fatal disease and he turned it into a lie.” Burnett thus started a petition requesting President Haas do 100 Ice Bucket Challenges in a row on video. The petition has gained traction, receiving over 300 signatures.

 

Other students have said they were able to spot the video’s inconsistencies before the scandal. “I always knew it was a hoax,” said The Message, a Junior-year conspiracy theorist who spoke to us despite our repeated requests not to. “Watch how many times Louie claps in the video,” he said as he played the video on his laptop for us, “20 times. Who died on August 20th last year? Lois Mai Chan, famous for her work in library classification. When you search the Grand Valley library for ISBN’s matching 0822, the date the video was uploaded, you get ‘Arsenic and Old Lace,’ a play where two women bury their murder victims in their basement.”

 

Needless to say, we were confused.

 

“I don’t know what you think,” The Message continued, slamming his laptop shut, “but I bet T. Haas is hiding something in the basement of the library.” He then asked us to read about Mount Shasta.

 

At this point in time, it is unclear if President Haas has any plans to film a proper Ice Bucket Challenge or if this is something the student body will forget about in a couple of weeks. The Message has told us, however, that he gained access to the library’s basement. So far, he has found nothing but cleaning supplies, but insists he will find “the truth.”

 

ice bucket library

 

 

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