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Tea Time with Chancellor Henry “T Stands for Tea” Yang

 

Chancellor Yang loves tea. The Black Sheep also shares a passion for the bitter, traditionally British beverage, and have always hoped to one day sit down with the head of UCSB operations and discuss things — and also stuff — all while sipping delicious Earl Grey. That day finally came three days ago, when we sat down with the famously small chancellor to talk about his opinions on life, underwear, and tea.

 

The Black Sheep:  Hello Chancellor thank you for meeting with us.

Chancellor Yang: Of course. The moons have foretold this arrival for many years now.

 

TBS: Okay. 

Chancellor [after a long, awkward pause]: So you want some tea?

 

TBS: Tea would be great.

Chancellor: I got you a nice black tea. None of that Earl Grey shit. Want me to add a little of Chancellor Yang’s secret ingredient? [The chancellor winks.]

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TBS: No thank you Chancellor. So we have a couple questions that we’d like to ask you.

Chancellor [handing us a bitter cup of English imperialism]: Shoot.

 

TBS: Thank you. First off, how do you feel about UCSB’s reputation as a party school?

Chancellor: Love it. [Yang takes a long, drawn out sip of tea.]

 

TBS: Cool. Boxers or briefs?

Chancellor: Both.

 

TBS: Disturbing. Now some people have said that Isla Vista is a slum. How do you feel about this assessment of your college’s town?

Chancellor: Well when you’re out trolling DP on Friday, you’re not really mentally aware enough to care that much….

 

TBS: Interesting thought. So tell me-

Chancellor: Because you’re drunk.

 

TBS: Yes. Got that

 

*Chancellor takes a long, satisfied sip of tea*

 

TBS: People have criticized you for being afraid of the dark. Can you put these rumors to rest once and for all?

Chancellor: It’s just so creepy. Like, I don’t know what’s out there. It could be the bad spirit from Insidious or it could be a particularly loud cricket. You just don’t know. You can never know.

 

TBS: Of course. That was a great movie. Very scary.

Chancellor. Oh yes. The only way I could get any sleep for the entire following week after watching the film was by bribing my wife to rock me like a child while singing the opening sequence to the critically acclaimed Broadway musical Cats.

 

*Chancellor nods while sipping tea*

 

TBS: Same! Speaking of cats, are you a dog person or a cat person?

Chancellor: I prefer dogs.

 

TBS: Any particular reason?

Chancellor: They are larger and more powerful.

 

TBS: Absolutely. Now Chancellor, just one more question before we go.

Chancellor: I am prepared.

 

TBS: What is your favorite kind of tea?

Chancellor [sighing before finishing his tea]: That is a question better left unanswered.

 

TBS: That’s kind of the only reason we came here though.

Chancellor:

 

TBS: Thank you so much for your time, chancellor.

 

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