Amos Hall, for those that are not familiar with the building, is located in the majestic quad off of Fifth Avenue and houses nine of the eleven sororities that strut around Pitt’s campus. Since sorority houses are illegal in the wonderful state of Pennsylvania due to them being considered brothels (even though it is currently the year 2015), each sorority is given an entire floor to do with as they please. There are many rumors and assumptions that are whispered through the hallways of freshman dorms and frat houses made about the daily life of an Amos Hall resident. However, being an Amos resident myself, I have ever so kindly dedicated this article to debunking (or confirming) the said assumptions fraternity pledges need to change their underwear for.
10.) It’s A Non-Stop Dance Party:
From obvious songs such as “Sorority Girl” by Luke Bryan *drool* to every song by the heavily worshipped Beyoncé (fun fact: there’s a shrine for Queen Bé located in the basement), there is never a moment where passerby can’t hear dance, making them want to join the constant party. It’s a requirement to not only pay to be a sorority girl, but you have to sing and dance like one too. How do you think we all manage to stay in shape after the copious amounts of Pizza Romano ~bless~ we eat every single weekend? Side note: these dance parties usually ensue after we parade around in our underwear and eat said pizza.
9.) Laundry Fairy is the New Tooth Fairy:
Forget the lack of laundry-knowledge we attempted to bullshit while washing our clothes freshman year. Fret no more, living in Amos helps us keep our shit together and our whites white. We simply leave our laundry in the hallway when we leave in the morning for class and return at the end of the day to find our clothes clean, dried, and neatly folded on our freshly-washed and sheet-changed beds.
8.) Sister Circles
It’s a daily ritual (just like straightening our hair) to end our hectic days by coming together, sitting in a perfectly symmetrical circle, and holding hands. With our eyes closed, this is where we solve all of our problems and sometimes break out into intense yoga. Namaste bitches.
7.) No Boys Allowed
Just as much as the building is supposed to be a “dry building” (sike), there are no boys allowed. No boy can roam the many hallways of Amos and even come close to appreciating the endless man bun paraphernalia covering the walls as well as the dance parties mentioned above.
6.) We Share One Giant Closet
Sharing is caring. The male brain also lacks the cells to detect a repeated date party outfit. This is a scientific fact… look it up.
5.) Do You Know the Muffin Man?
You might not, but the girls of Amos sure do. Though it’s never properly given, we can’t take credit for any of the food we Instagram. Do you really think any of us know how to concoct a zero calorie “triple-chocolate-peanutbutter-nutella-chunk-baked-skinny-vanilla-latte-soufle” and make it both look and taste edible? We do however know how to eat ice cream: with a spoon, in less than ten minutes, and sometimes in our Sister Circles.
4.) The Burn Book is Real
Forget about Regina George, the Amos Slash Book is as sacred as Pitt’s Yik Yaks. For any person lucky enough to cross the blockade of empty Smirnoff bottles to open the gel-pen filled pages, you might be creeped the fuck out by the specificity of mapped out plans for the destruction of the male race (drawings and addresses included).
3.) There’s No Party Like a Pool Party
Secretly hidden from the rest of the Pitt world, Amos Hall has a pool located on the top floor. A swim-up margarita bar is included, which makes us forget only for an instant the vacancy in our hearts of where Mi Ranch used to be.
2.) It’s Therapy Dog Tuesday Everyday
The residents of Amos never seem to be stressed, which is only due to the endless puppies that travel from floor to floor. We can never breathe a sigh of relief fast enough on a Sunday morning when we turn to the other side of our beds and see the Chihuahua named Mufasa instead of a drunken mistake *performs the sign of the cross*.
1.) It is Actually Secretly A Brothel
What happens in Amos, stays in Amos.