Formal has never been nor will never be the best night of your life, simply because there is too much stress that comes with finding a date. To the girls who don’t care who they bring because “it’s just a stupid date function,” impressive fake confidence, but we here at The Black Sheep know that you sit on a throne of lies. Everyone lives in fear of going alone. However, sometimes going alone may in fact be better than ending up with one of these five types of formal dates.
At first, taking The Flirt seems like the move. He’s super into you the entire bus ride, and continually compliments you. But as the night goes on, he continually finds himself getting “lost” on the way back to the table, and it may seem a little odd that he has red lipstick on the side of his mouth, because you weren’t even wearing any to begin with… What beats finding out your date had sex with one of your sorority sisters in a gazebo while you were doing your thang solo on the dance floor.
Even worse than The Flirt is the one you just can’t pull away from. There are only so many times one can sneak away to the bathroom, which evidently is the real party. He’s the kind of guy who will be down to grind even when Stacy’s Mom comes on, and he will definitely text you at least 10 times wondering where you went. Honestly, you might as well send him your pin on Find Your Friends because it will save battery life. If you really couldn’t find a better date than The Stalker, just make sure you have a swat team of sorority sister cock blockers to handle the situation.
The Magazine Cover
Nothing beats the classic tall, dark and handsome date. He has a chiseled jaw line and gorgeous eyes that stare into your soul. However, don’t look in too deep because there’s not much past his good looks. Similar to the glossy features of a magazine cover, you can definitely stare at a Men’s Health issue, but when it comes down to actually reading it, it’s just not that interesting. He cares so much about his image that he doesn’t eat as many rolls as you, and you look like a fatass.
Ah, nothing like the 180-pound guy who can’t handle his liquor, or even match his tie to his shirt for that matter. This guy is all over the place and the chances of him getting kicked out are escalating with every song. He’s kind of like a puppy you need to keep on a leash just so he doesn’t run away and get another rum and Coke. Remember to cut him off like a college freshman at her first frat party, because he’s sure to be white girl wasted.
The Awkward Date
Probably should’ve left this dude at home. He doesn’t know anyone because he’s either from another school, isn’t in the same frat as the majority of guys there, or lacks social skills like a normal person. He’ll probably kill your vibes on the dance floor, so leave him to fend for himself at the table eating everybody’s leftover desserts.
Finding the perfect formal date is difficult impossible. So take a breath and realize that finding a date is stressful but you will be okay. The lasting advice is to avoid the awkward date and go with the flirt. Go in with the expectations that your night will end with him MIA, you anywhere from 1-5 vodka sours too drunk, and waking up with the remnants of DP Dough and your Big right there with you… after all, it is formal.