Walk into class; avoid eye contact while subtly still searching for a familiar face. Repeat. When it comes to having friends in a lecture, odds are never in your favor. Sure, all of your friends have every single class together, but you’re lucky enough to land next to your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. The Black Sheep knows the unlucky struggle of walking into the uninviting classroom of thirty randos staring as if you are butt ass naked. It sucks, we know, and here are the five worst people to wind up next to.
5.) The guy who hasn’t showered since last year:
Honestly this happens more often than it should. If you smell like the fresh stench of a post-party frat basement, reconsider your life and go home. Do not pass go. Do not collect anything other than deodorant and soap. Stop doing less, and shower more.
4.) The dude you brought to formal then threw up all over:
Shit happens. Chances are you were rip-roaringly drunk, so it isn’t like you remember anyway. Things could be worse. You could remember every detail. Every. Single. Detail.
3.) Your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend:
Of course the one open seat is next to her. She’s also probably wearing the same shirt as you, even if it’s from an obscure boutique in the middle of nowhere. This just means you can’t spend the entirety of the lecture stalking your ex on social media, or her for that matter. Sure she probably hates you just as much if not more than you hate her, but she’s clearly dumb for dating your ex and giving you motivation to earn a higher grade.
2.) The overly-excited student:
This eager beaver has been waiting for the first day of class since his last final. He has no problem raising his hand for five consecutive questions in a three hundred-person lecture. Likewise for a fifteen-person lecture; therefore, everyone else looks like an asshole. If you ask questions about the syllabus there is a special ring of hell for you.
1.) The guy who forgets porn is up on his laptop:
Sorry, but kindly GTFO. Worst-case scenario, he doesn’t come to terms with the fact that his headphones are not plugged in. Let it happen then evacuate the premise immediately before you are scarred by… were those cowboy midgets riding a women around? Nope. Get out. Leave now.
The first few days of class can be stressful and finding the right seat can be just as bad. You may sit next to some weird people, a girl that is way out of your league and instantly causes a case of sweaty palms, or a large person who takes up half your desk room. But remember, these are the five worst, so sitting next to anyone else is a win.