It’s summer, you’re bored, and the only way you can really catch up with that hot pseudo-acquaintance from your psych 101 class is via Snapchat story. Though you go in only intending to watch one, you end up spiraling out of control and watching every. Single. Story. So, The Black Sheep is proud to present: The 7 Snapchat stories you will see this summer.
The Awkward Camera-Talker: We all know the one. Their snapchats are all of their face, and always feature them telling some story about how she was picking up Twizzlers at the Circle K, minding her own business, and some bitch named Barbara cut her off and tried to fight her. It’s like they’re trying to be Josh Peck’s new Vine persona and make their everyday experiences seem high-larious. But in all actuality they just make everyone on their friends list feel really uncomfortable.
The “Hey guys! Look at me! I’m at a party! Hey guys look at the party I’m at! Guys!”: Often comprised of identically dark, blurry videos featuring songs that were probably cool four years ago, these stories get clicked through faster than any others. The dark shots serve to hide the fact that this person is actually just in their parent’s basement drinking wine coolers with a few people they used to know in high school. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just, you know, at least be upfront about it.
The Selfie: This person’s story is comprised solely of well-lit shots of their face, probably looking off into the distance, definitely with a stupid quote or saying about how they’re bored or lonely. Maybe even bored and lonely. These are the kind of stories that make you cringe and pray that some kind of large predator comes by and runs away with their phone so they can never again post these horrible pictures.
The 200-Second Story: Look at this— *tap* aw isn’t he so— *tap* wow who knew— *tap tap tap tap tap tap tap* This person finds it necessary to document every waking moment of their life, and share it in the most annoying way possible. The only reason you keep them on your friends list is because sometimes they help you with your econ homework, so that’s the tradeoff. And yet sometimes you feel that it still isn’t worth it…
The Gym Rat: “Lol, just did 1,000 pushups. Wow, I guess I’m just having an off day, I guess I’ll go to my giant supplement collection and take some of those…” NO. Just… no.
Stop trying to be Khloé Kardashian. It’s not happening.
The Concert Junkie: This story is literally 150 seconds of blurry lights and some song that sounds like BJFIETOHPROJGEH yeah, yeah, yeah DHHDGFAJRGPOKGPSJHRTH “I LOVE YOU, [insert hottest band member here].”
What is even happening here. There are lasers and blurry lights… are you at laser tag or a concert??
Snapchat is one of the quickest ways to keep up with your friends while on break, but sometimes you just have to tap through it and pray it’s over soon.