Not all bathrooms on campus are created equal, and some get completely abused throughout the day. We went and searched out some of the best bathrooms on campus, that way you know what to do when that spicy Thai food makes a comeback. We suggest always going with the trusty third floor rule, because those bathrooms always get the least traffic. So bring the wet wipes and something good to read, because these bathrooms will keep you coming back.
8.) Eaton Humanities Third Floor:
Eaton Humanities is one of the main buildings for the department of Farts and Sciences, which means it can get some pretty heavy foot traffic. On the third floor, the only people you’ll have to fight for bathroom space are the department staff, and if it comes down to it just let them have the stall, and drop one in the sink.
7.) Koelbel Business Third Floor:
If you’re down by the business end of campus, fear not if you feel some action spurring from your own business end. As with most buildings, the key is the top floor. If you would rather a view of campus instead of using the bathroom itself, there’s a ladder to the roof so you can drop your business on some undergrads instead of in a stall. No matter who you are, you can’t deny the love for pissing off of something really tall.
6.) Hale Sciences Third Floor:
A poo with a view! This well-lit loo offers view over Varsity Pond, and while you have to climb some stairs to get there, the anthropology department has a bathroom for the history books. Just don’t get in the way of archaeology students, we hear their lives tend to be in ruins.
5.) Wolf Law Third Floor:
Law students can be touchy when it comes to strangers in their building, and their bathrooms are no different. While taking pictures we were even warned of a certain professor who marks the bathroom as his territory by pissing all over the floor. Take heed and avoid the touchy lawyers, and try to get here before it’s been marked.
4.) Benson Geology:
If you’ve got a landslide ready to give way in your pants and you need somewhere to clean it up, the Geology Building has some solid dumpers. Pretty much every bathroom in this building is clean, so take your pick. We’re not sure why, but those geology nerds rock, and really know how to respect a restroom.
3.) Engineering Center:
We believe the best bathroom in the Engineering Center would be through this door labeled ARPG Lab. But we can’t get in there, and you probably can’t either. Otherwise, this building is beyond bad for bathrooms, and not to mention the building is a complete maze filled with smelly engineers who haven’t seen daylight in lord knows how long.
2.) Norlin Library Fifth Floor:
This frequently-locked oasis is a safe haven, hidden away in the upper reaches or Norlin. This legendary one-person bathroom comes with a lockable door, and if you’re capable of getting in here then don’t let anyone make you leave, unless they’re removing your dead body from the stall, pants still around the ankles. Like an oasis in a desert, this magical bathroom will leave you wishing you had more to expel. It is the perfect place to hide out when you’ve been studying for 6+ hours and have Adderall poops, coffee poops, and dip-shits all combined.
1.) Hazel Gates Woodruff Cottage:
Far at the western edge of campus lies a small cottage dedicated to women’s studies. This appropriately-sized shack houses one of the best bathrooms on campus, because of its size, privacy, and quality. As a one-person bathroom it features a lock, and even some nice wall art so we didn’t need to provide our own (but of course we did). So if you’re looking for a reason to go to the women’s studies cottage just pick up a a book from the small library on your way in, or maybe a Hustler, find the throne room on the right, and get your woman studying on.
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