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The Black Sheep Interviews: “Hey there Laker!” Lewis Stone

 

We got it: an interview with the real life “Hey there Laker!” Lewis. Based on his answers, we aren’t sure he’s actually a real person and not just a cardboard cutout with pre-programmed answers. 

 

TBS: Are you ever going to graduate?

 

Lewis: “Graduate? Don’t you mean move out? I mean like, I’ve lived here my whole life.

 

21 years ago, this girl found me floating down the Grand River sleeping in a basket. I thought everyone knew that by now.”

 

TBS: What is the best thing anybody has responded to you saying “Hey There, Laker!” on campus?

 

Lewis:  “It’s between ‘I’m breaking up with you’ and ‘Sorry, I’m [a] lesbian.’ Take your pick.

 

TBS: Do you get to keep the cardboard cutout?

 

Lewis: “I do get to keep it. And I plan on leaving it in my attic, so one day when I die, my kids can clean out the attic and ruin their pants when they see the thing waving at them.”

 

TBS: Is your name really Lewis?

 

Lewis: “That’s a common misconception, and I’ll forgive you this time…..this one time. It’s actually Lucas Scone.”

 

TBS: Are you T. Haas’ son/ grandson?

 

 

Lewis: “Yes. He’s the father, I’m the son, and Louie’s the Lake Spirit. Have you not heard of the Holy Trinity?”

 

TBS: Are you single and ready to mingle?

 

Lewis: “Yeah, I am. And for the stunning girl reading this, I want to let you know – I’m a believer in starting simple. I’m happy to take you out to a lovely hipster coffee house. Those old timing decorations, the quiet music, the calm lighting just seem to add to the evening, don’t you agree?

 

Over a cup of mocha and whatever you would like, we can learn about each other and enjoy each other’s company even if it doesn’t last long. If we take a liking to one another, perhaps taking our conversation for a walk with the cool evening breeze would be in order.

 

We’d dare to tell each other a funny story about ourselves and laugh at our past. When we’re ready to call end to the date, I’ll take you home and thank you for allowing me to meet someone new. Feel free to call to me at (616) – KISS – MY – BUTT.”

 

TBS: Okay…that was a little weird. Anyways, have people recognized you outside of GVSU?

 

Lewis: “Oh, sure. Meijer, Grand Rapids, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Actually, Jimmy was the one who recognized me. Search it on Youtube. It’s got about 150,000 views, I think? It’s pretty funny.”

 

TBS: Do you get to decide when we have snow days?

 

Lewis: “I do have a say in it. In fact, I’ve marked off my calendar for January 8th, 2016 and January 15th, 2016. I like to ease into my second semester, don’t you?”

 

TBS: Do you have your own parking space?

 

Lewis: “I have a few actually. One alternates as the ‘BUS ONLY’ zone at Kirkhof. I can also park my car in MAK C – 2138, (but I need to work on my car’s hydraulics before I use that space.) And my final one is located at my driveway back in Illinois.”

 

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TBS: Were you the one that brought the broccoli cheddar cheese soup back?

 

Lewis: “YES. I. DID. I said to myself: ‘If GVSU can’t at least compete with Panera, I don’t even want to be here.’ Ladies ;)”

Hopefully you feel a little closer to your Laker spokesman and had some of the questions that keep you up at night answered. So there you have it: an interview with, arguably, the most important man on campus (sorry T. Haas).

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