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The Black Sheep Interviews: The Pitt Peregrines

Spring has sprung fellow Pitt students, which means that the sun is shining, the trees are blooming and animals of all shapes and sizes are getting busy. Right now in Oakland the two most famous fornicators are Dorothy and E2, the falcons that nested on the Cathedral of Learning. Though their eggs have yet to hatch, these two parents-to-be have been diligently sitting on the four eggs in hopes that at least one of their kids won’t be a lazy piece of trash, kind of like our parents. In anticipation of the hatching, The Black Sheep scaled the walls of Cathy to get an interview with Dorothy and E2.


The Black Sheep:How have you liked living in Oakland so far?
Pitt Peregrines: SCREEEEEEEECH!


TBS: Oh how interesting. Yeah the weather has been crazy and we can’t deny that Oakland squirrels are pretty tasty. Do you think being a parent will be tough?


TBS: For sure, for sure. That’s why humans use birth control. You falcons should really look into it. Do you have an idea when the eggs will hatch?
PP: (E2 flaps wings and poops)


TBS: Wow, okay, so not too long. Do you guys bicker a lot about how you’ll raise the kids?
PP: (E2 coughs up a mouse, which Dorothy then devours)


TBS:Awwwww, how sweet! It’s nice to see falcon chivalry isn’t dead. Have you given any thought to names for the falcon babies?


TBS:Those are some great names, very traditional. So guys, how do you feel about a camera watching you 24/7?
PP: (Curious look from the couple)


TBS: Yeah, there’s been a camera watching you for like the past month. We watch you all the time. We saw you make the nest, lay the eggs, and even make the eggs, if you know what we mean.


At that moment, the falcons decided to end the interview, something about having a baby shower to plan. In unrelated news, the staff members tasked with conducting the interview had their eyes clawed out, but they swear it was two different falcons. Dorothy and E2 wished to express that they value their privacy, so it’s best not to climb the 40 stories to visit them and instead use the stalker cam. The Black Sheep wishes good luck to the future parents and good luck to Pitt students during finals week. May your GPA soar like an eagle and not dive bomb like a falcon going after a pigeon.


Photo courtesy the happy couple’s Facebook page

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