You were a senior in high school going on your final rounds of college visits as you were deciding which Big Ten university to attend in the fall. Illinois had a beautiful quad and was just far enough away from home that your parents wouldn’t be able to visit you every weekend. So you paid your $50 to commit and you were an Illini.
What they didn’t tell you through that process were all the strange student fees that you’d paying as part of your tuition. But no need to fear, The Black Sheep is here to explain all of ‘em.
Library and Information Technology Fee:
UIUC is attempting to keep the library open more hours of the day. It’s a noble point, to increase the hours of the Main Library, which closes at a slightly earlier time than many students would wish. This is especially true since it does have the Stacks, home to millions of books. However, knowing Illinois, odds are the library hours they’re trying to raise are the UGL hours, which is already open 24/7; just another example of trying to gouge money from the students. This fee is $244 this semester, or $8.02 from the undergrad body, an insane price tag to keep the lights on for a bookshelf.
Supports campus and community transportation plan for students? Last time we checked, freshmen still packed into a MTD bus by the Ike like sardines. That could be MTD or UIUC’s fault, but we’ll just place the blame on the stupid freshmen instead. $59 this spring semester for you, $1.93 million from undergrad body and they can’t even make an app that has correct bus arrival times. Plus, let’s just remind you that UIUC banned hoverboards from campus buildings. How does one transport now?
This fee seems like it should make a lot of sense because we do have a College of Media on campus. However, the thing that doesn’t make sense about this fee is that Illini Media is supposedly independent from the university. In essence, why are they getting a share of the Student Initiated Fees ($66 this semester, $2.17 million from the undergrad body)? But since the DI is only bi-weekly now, shouldn’t this fee only be $33, if anything?
Health Services Fee:
The Health Services Fee is pretty simple… and you should have a lot of issues with it. It’s $232 per student per semester to have McKinley open at times that don’t work at all with your schedule, and then when they’re open, they just give you free condoms and tell you to put some ice on your boo-boo. They gave us mumps shots that one time, but the real question is, where’s the $7.63 million they’re garnering this semester going?
Ah, but there is no better fee than one of the most expensive BS ones. At $293 per student this semester, there is the General Fee. UIUC will pocket $9.63 million this semester from the “General Fee,” which funds things and places on the campus to improve them for people as they study things in places that give them the opportunity to study things. Too general? Well, it’s the “General Fee.”
So this is your chance Illini! You know the fees! You know how much they cost! Now go do something about it! Or don’t because hey, look, it’s Wine Night at Clybourne, and dad paid for it anyway.