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The DOs and DONTs of Living with a Psycho Roommate

Now that we’ve been in school for a couple weeks, chances are your roommate has started to show his or her true colors. However you handle living with a less-than-ideal roommate, it’s still going to suck. So for those of you who are rooming with a psychotic freak, here are a few do’s and don’ts that may increase your chances of survival. As for the lucky few that have never experienced roommate troubles, you can kindly close this tab and go ride a unicorn in the magical kingdom of denial.

 

DON’T mock your roommate to her face. It doesn’t matter how hilarious, sarcastic, or well-thought out your joke is – it’s not worth being murdered in your sleep. If Psycho Roomy is mad at you for whatever illogical reason, you don’t want to make things worse. Do not stir the crock pot.

 

DO mock her behind her back. Let’s face it, you’re going to need to tell that well-thought out joke to someone. Vent to a third party you can confide in about all the crazy shit your roommate does. Have a laugh and make light of your frustrating situation. Plus, the cops are going to need some leads if you mysteriously disappear and/or your body turns up in a ditch.

 

DON’T take her food without asking. Just don’t do it. Virginia Tech offers some of the best campus food in the country; there is no reason to steal from your roommate’s supply of ramen and cereal. If you do, there is a wide range of possible outcomes. Best-case scenario: your roommate’s name will end up on everything in the apartment, from her yogurt to her cat. Worst-case scenario: one morning you’ll sit down to a not-so-nutritious breakfast of Fruity Pebbles and rat poison.

 

DO make food for her. If you and your roommate aren’t on the best of terms, try making her a peace offering with fine cuisine. It is a scientific fact that college students cannot refuse free food. So rip open one of your own ramen packets and stir up some up civility. Don’t forget the special ingredients: sriracha and spit.

 

DON’T cry yourself to sleep every night. Sometimes your roommate can make your life a living hell and it may seem like only your tears can extinguish the flames. This is not the case! Alcohol works as an excellent substitute for tears; the fire might flare up, but at least you won’t remember it. Another alternative is to just be strong, my friend. Don’t let it get to you and don’t give her the satisfaction. You can persevere.

 

DO eventually move out and find a better roommate. Perseverance can only last so long. Stick it out until the end of your lease agreement and then bail. Living with an insane roommate is temporary and you can learn a lot from those few brutal months. For future housing situations, try to steer clear of the crazy and gather background information on potential roommates. If you find yourself staying with yet another Norman Bates, perhaps consider living alone.

 

Even though you’re stuck with them for the rest of the school year (or the semester if you try hard enough), we think these are the best tips to keep yourself sane, even if your roommate can’t be reasoned with. Who knows, if all of these apply to you, you might be the psycho roomie. 

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