HEY YOU! YEAH YOU!
Look at you right now. You have been studying all day for your mass communication final and your eyes are still allowing you to keep them open. You know what that is, that is will power right there. Sure, you might not have will power when saying no to that last shot last Saturday night when you should have gone to bed to rest up for finals, but damnit look at your will power right now. Finals week has begun, and where are you? You’re in the library. Why? Because you’re a god damn patriot, that’s why. You’re on your laptop with 4 sextillion tabs open. Let’s rattle off what you’re gloriously abused eyes have been looking at:
Tab1: Sparknotes.com – How to Understand Philosophy without a Little Help Anyway
Tab2: My.pitt.edu —Outlook “Bad Request” on search “pittnet<Saturdayfinals”
Tab3: Facebook.com – Post Finals Daylong 2015 Event Page
Tab4: WebMD.org — Search: “How much Ritalin is too much my eyes are burning”
Tab5: Spotify.com — Ariana Grande. On blast.
Tab6: Porn — left over from last night hopefully. Better not let the Pittnet overlords know you’ve got that shiz opened in their library.
Tab7: Amazon.com — Search: “purchasable ‘fucks’”
Damn man you’re impressive. It’s been four hours and you’ve researched four years of your English class crush’s existence, read four articles on Elite Daily, taken five Buzzfeed quizzes and gotten five new matches on Tinder. Look at those accomplishments. Finals week is a piece of cake. Studying for finals isn’t a sweat, but accomplishing all these tasks took will power, guts, tenacity, and dedication. Be proud of yourself Panthers. The Black Sheep is damn proud to call you our readers.