The birds are chirping, the flowers are blossoming, and the coolers are sold out at Walmart — yep, you guessed it, it’s formal season. Whether you turned down a date, your man isn’t in a frat, you’re in between fellas, or you’re a GDI boy yourself, looks like you aren’t headed down to Fratlinberg. Don’t worry, The Black Sheep is here to offer you the silver linings so you can work these weekends to be even more legendary.
Plus Side: No cooler
Undeniably, the most stressful part on the girls is creating a cooler. No help that Pinterest holds girls to the caliber of Picasso with these mobile ice buckets. It’s risky business too with the sanding whittling poor girls’ fingers to the bone and girls popping blood vessels left and right trying to concentrate on replicating “Patagonia” on five plastic panels. C’mon! Even Van Gough had canvas. It’s no wonder you see girls lugging these crates to King library. You’ve done something right to dodge this bullet.
Plus side: Money in da BANK
Not only are those coolers a hassle, but they’re expensive to fill! Most boys aren’t expecting Franzia or Smirnoff Ice either, that’s just the pregame, and if you want to keep up with the other girls you’re expected to provide Jack Daniels or Grey Goose. Save the cash and go on a shopping spree, or better yet, treat yo’self to those treasured substances.
Plus side: No lines
With a fraction of the population out of state, you know what that means, shortened lines. Get into Beat the Clock at ease, or real talk, FOOD! Get your fake Panera in Armstrong in under an hour. Or even go straight for the good stuff and stock up on Chipotle. It’s not every day that you can see the register from the back of the line of Chipotle.
Plus side: Get your work done
As much as the idea burns, finals aren’t incredibly far away. There’s nothing wrong with getting your ducks in a row. Or let’s be honest, what really needs to be accomplished is the next season of Friends on Netflix. Neither can be said or done by a frat formal attendee.
Plus side: Live the legend… or pretend to
You could live the craziest weekend and stick it to the status quo or just say you did. Pull one over on your friends and tell your pals that left for the weekend that you handed a bouncer a sticky note of a stick figure as a form of I.D. and got a wristband. Or when you were on the verge of being arrested you seduced the cop and took him back to your room… Oxford is your oyster, live it up!