Public hook-ups have always been a challenge, but for those who live on the edge it’s also an irreplaceable thrill. Imagine the risk of streaking with the strategic planning of chess, add the real world consequences of being caught, and you’ll find you have the perfect aphrodisiac. So you best bring some condoms and some good running shoes because the following is a list of the hard places to get it hard on campus.
Challenge level: Easy
Lind is a small building, but despite this it always has empty rooms. English majors have been using the spare spaces to “study” for a long while. Some have even been using the rooms for their alleged anatomy homework. Sure beats reading Chaucer; you know we’re right.
Challenge level: Medium
Walter Library’s bottom level is a cornucopia of secluded spots for hanky panky. The bottom floor contains a very specific set of books that most students don’t read. Rows upon rows of bookshelves remain unseen for hours at a time. With a multitude of bookshelves and sturdy chairs, many students have attempted an erotic extracurricular here. The challenge is the students and faculty walking in on the act. Walter library isn’t filled with passive CLA students or illiterate Carlson jocks; it’s filled to the brim with CSE and CBS geniuses and vigilant library staff. These people get a hard-on for learning. So if you think your flesh-colored bookmark is safe in the Historical Irrigation section, think again. Civil Engineering majors live for that crap.
Challenge level: High
In the 90s students, faculty, and even normal citizens often used the spot for hooking up. Unfortunately, the administration quickly caught wind of this and had the place regularly checked by the police. It still happens to this day. Cops will walk up to young men and women and give them a quick up-down so they can’t give each other quick up-downs. They’ll frisk you so you don’t get frisky, they’ll use the full extent of the penal code so you can’t do the same. So if you’re ever in Anderson, a little nostalgic and horny, give it a shot.
Science Teaching & Student Services
Challenge level: Super High
Along with Coffman, the STSS building is a place every student has walked through at least once. It’s always busy. Between classes, financial services, and academic counseling students run in and out of that place all the time. You can’t bust a move if you’ve got pedestrians walking right through, trying to resubmit their financial aid and changing majors. Can you imagine getting it on while some freshman panics about a scheduling error? If you’re going to pull something off there, you’re going to have to make it a quickie, and by quickie we mean a wink and a tug.
Challenge: Super Insanely High
No, just no. People have been trying this for years. It’s practically impossible. With an array of sofas, pillows, chairs, and weird ottomans people think this would a good place to do it. It’s not. You can’t go two minutes down there without a theatre major practicing a monologue or working on a dance routine. If you’re going to do this, try lying and calling it extreme performance art. What’s worse, if they end up believing you, you’d better prepare yourself for a lot of pretentious critiques.
The challenges in this list are not for the faint of heart. No softies, both literally and figuratively. So if you’ve got the skills to pay the bills, the gall for a public booty call, a clitoris that’s ubiquitous, the morals for some public orals, and possibly a map, then you may proceed with getting it on. But don’t forget, the challenge doesn’t count if you don’t finish.