Roommates are borderline unavoidable in college and they are either your angel from above best friend, your worst nightmare or somewhere in between. We, at The Black Sheep, feel for you if you’ve had a terrible one but want to let you know that there are good types of roommates too.
The Sharing Roommate
This quality is one that is an easy benefit. Like when you really want Chipotle, but the walk Uptown sounds dreadful and that 35 minute line just isn’t happening, and your roommate is like, “You can just have my leftovers.” Literally, best feeling ever, and ever so satisfying. This also comes in handy when you actually have nothing to wear so you can just raid your roommate’s closet until something finally fits right. Thanks roomie, you always have something up your sleeve.
The Psycho Roommate
Dude, did you seriously just read my text messages? Why do you need my entire class schedule with which professors? I don’t know what I’m doing tonight; I don’t know what I’m doing in the next 30 seconds. Stop asking so many questions. Let me live my life, roomie.
The Responsible Roommate
This one is “responsible” in two ways: they’ll either force you to your 8:30 or force you into going out the night before your 8:30 exam. Either way, whether you make it to class or not, this roommate will take total credit for your successes and your failures, whether it’s “Aren’t you glad you went to class and were productive?” or “Aren’t you glad we went to 90s night, took way too many shots of tequila, and were the last people at the bar?”
The Inconsiderate Roommate
Can you seriously just put your headphones in while you watch Mad Men? Not that I have a stats exam in an hour or anything. Oh, just going to empty the Brita and throw it right back in the fridge? No, that’s cool, I didn’t want my water right away anyway.
The Shut-in Roommate
Do you have friends? Do you go out? Do you go to class? What is your GPA? How do you justify paying for school when you never go? Do you need something to eat? When was the last time you showered? How do you survive without sunlight? Get out of bed. Do something.
The Hand Holder Roommate
This is the best friend roommate. The roommate who’ll go out with you at 11:30 at night, throw back 8 shots in 20 minutes during the pregame, and hold your hand as your shuffle your way from Pachinko to CJs.
The Hair Holder Roommate
This is the roommate who realized how much you drank and rubs your back and holds your hair back while you vom in Brick Street’s bathroom. This is also the roommate who comes to the bar where you are when that stupid boy was flirting with another girl in front of you and lets you irrationally cry. This is the roommate who listens to your problems, no matter how silly they are, and doesn’t judge you when you say you fell asleep with the pizza box to “keep warm.”
It’s really clear to us that your roommate doesn’t have to be your best friend, but you do have to live with them. So put your dishes away and don’t bring back that closing time hookup when your roommate has a 10 a.m. exam. As Jesus said in the Bible, “do unto your roommate as you would do unto yourself.”