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The Stages of the ”All-Nighter”

Whether you’re a freshman or a fifth-year senior, one thing that all college students can relate to is the infamous all-nighter. All-nighters come sooner or later, and when they do the experience is hard and fast. It’s a night you’ll never forget. For better or for worse, all-nighters are just routine parts of college life. The Black Sheep is here with the stages of the all-nighter that we all go through.


The Denial: So you have an exam tomorrow, or possibly multiple; let the early stages of stress and denial begin. You’ve been aware of this exam date for at least a week, but waited until the last minute. Why? Simply put, this is America, the procrastination nation. Unfortunately for you, the exam is happening whether you’re prepared or not, so it’s time to get your shit together.


The Library: Good for you; you’ve decided to venture to the library in hopes of passing the exam. But beforehand, you change clothes, put everything in your backpack, call your mom, brush your teeth, watch the end of some Hunger Games knock-off, and blah, blah, blah. By the time you actually arrive at the Hodges and pop that Adderall, it is well into the night and hope is growing slim.   


The Checking of Social Media: If you have a laptop while you study, then you know the temptation to constantly check all forms of social media will forever haunt you. Even in the wee hours of the morning when literally everyone is asleep and the only things on your feed are wedding photos of people from high school you haven’t talked to in five years, you’ll still have the urge to check it. Don’t do it! (But we know you will…)


The Study Breaks: You study for a couple of hours and casually take a few breaks in-between; this is a pretty decent system. And by “casual breaks,” we mean studying for ten minutes at a time and then staring at the floor for ten minutes and vice-versa.


The Realization: This is when you suddenly realize that you’ve been “studying” the entire night. By the time your test rolls around you will have been awake for a full twenty-four hours – something most people can only do with meth. You look like a zombie, you feel like a zombie, and you start to consider the possibility you might actually be a zombie.


The Final Lap: This is it, about an hour until the real exam. You’ve spent all night – uh – studying and are convinced you know the information like the back of your hand. Godspeed children, and may the curve be ever in your favor.


The Panic: It sets in as soon as that test lands on your desk and you read the first question. Don’t panic! What would Butch do? He wouldn’t be acting like a bitch about it. Just breathe, or at least try. If you forgot something vital, hold back the tears, because there is a 98% chance some foreign-exchange student can hook you up with thirteen extra Scantrons, a pencil, and a calculator.


The Crash and Burn: You did it (possibly)! The test is finally over, but you’re not sure if you aced the son-of-a bitch or just bombed it, but at this point you don’t even care. Now go take a well-deserved nap after you make a promise that you’ll never do this to yourself again…

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