The late night experience at Homer Bad Bitch is one that almost all UConn students endure at one point or another during a panicked finals week. When it comes to learning an entire semester’s worth of material, when would be a better time to do so than the night before the exam? The Black Sheep is here to break down the emotional roller coaster an all-nighter entails.
Hey now, this is what dreams are made of. Nothing but time to crush every single study guide, read a couple books, and maybe even write one too. So much time for activities! For additional motivation along the way, Snapchat’s new geo-tag is there to continually let UConn girls know that their “Date with Homer Babbidge” is the only one they’ve gone on in the past 2 months years.
Morale is still relatively high and on any other normal night, this is probably about the time most might call it quits, in other words, trading in flash cards for Netflix and a bed. According to the infirmary, there have been several outbreaks of scoliosis due to the scraps of wood Homer calls chairs. However, this is not a normal night, and with a little bit of Adderall and a lot of overly sweetened Dunkin’, the only thing to do is to keep studying.
The lights flicker occasionally and you may start to feel like the last girl at the frat party, receiving subtle hints about finding a ride home. But with an hour until Insomnia stops delivering, suddenly it becomes more important to use the time to hand select cookies and detour through meaningless BuzzFeed quizzes. An hour later, pizza will seem like a good idea because no one thinks about not fitting through the door of their exam until it’s too late.
The Adderall is probably wearing off at this point for most students who spent their other last $6.00 on Nickel cover last week, and couldn’t afford to buy more. Insanity starts to be misplaced in between mindless scrolls on the unchanging Instagram feed that has been exactly the same since midnight. Many students think drinking Monster will boost their productivity, when actually another 30 minutes will most likely be spent contemplating whether or not the increasing heart palpitations are a health concern, or just a panic attack.
Was that the sun? Are there real people out there somewhere? Walking out of Homer Bad Bitch this early may instill feelings similar to leaving an underground bunker. Now is the time to make moral decisions about appearance for the sake of fellow classmates, but due to pride, or lack of it, most students nix the shower and settle for a more ratchet version of the walk of shame, minus the heels and a little less dignity.
Getting a C on the exam is going to be inevitable, so might as well become nocturnal, question your existence of this world and throw yourself into a caffeine induced coma. It’s not that students don’t know any better, it’s just that they don’t know anything at all. So, whether you’re about to fail a class, or are feeling a little bored, take a walk on the wild side and enjoy the journey through Homer’s fiery gates of hell.