Let’s face it Pitt, not all parties are created equal. Use these tips from The Black Sheep to step your game up and improve any Pitt party, whether it be on the peaks of Upper Campus or the depths of South Oakland.
10.) Throwback Playlist:
Nothing livens up a party like some Aaron Carter or Soulja Boy. Don’t believe us? Throw on “In Da Club” and proceed to watch everyone lose their minds (up in here, up in here). It doesn’t have to be any special occasion to drink Bacardi like it’s your birthday, although—style points if it is.
9.) Toilet Paper:
It is truly spiritually rejuvenating walking into a questionable house party bathroom and discovering that they do, in fact, have actual toilet paper. No paper towels, no last resort tissues or just having to air dry. Even if it’s only 1-ply, it’s better than nothing. If you find a house with quilted: you’ve struck gold. You should rightfully move into their bathroom (permanently or until you run out of toilet paper/require food or water).
8.) A Peaceful Relationship with Your Neighbors:
Pitt Police: “WE GOT A NOISE COMPLAINT FOR THIS ADDRESS”
Pitt Student: “uhhhhhh, what?”
Pitt Police: “WHAT DID YOU SAY… WHAT DID HE SAY” (grabs taser)
Cops are the quickest way to empty a rager. Making baked goods for your new neighbors is not only something that happens on sitcoms. Reap the benefits of their good graces.
7.) Food (Pizza):
You’re automatically everyone’s favorite place to party if you supply food. It doesn’t even matter what kind. Passing around a couple boxes of Sorrento’s is sure to make you a legend. Hell, any type of carbohydrate can solace drunchies, really. Hand out slices of bread to guests stumbling out of your party. Or cold noodles, yum.
6.) An Equal Ratio of Males to Females:
Nobody likes to walk into a sausage-fest (or its opposite: a taco-fiesta). One involves too many shots of shitty alcohol and suffocating clouds of cologne and the other definitely will include singing something in unison or high-pitched screams whenever someone shows up. Both are guaranteed to turn away anyone you actually want at your party.
Especially if there’s going to be shitty alcohol, it’s a requirement. We understand, you’re going for cost effective, but how hard is it to grab a 2-liter of something to save your carpets from those of us with a gag-reflex?
4.) A Backup Keg:
The foam—the horror! If they paid $5 to get in, you better provide more than a cup of foam or there will be a mutiny. And who knows what the outcome will be, but it doesn’t look good for anyone hosting. Even if it’s Lionshead, to a drunk palate it’ll be Stella Artois.
The illusion of calm and collected will ease the minds of many a partygoer. Somebody has to hold down the fort in case of emergency (ranging from police interaction to empty fridge/keg).
2.) Free Alcohol:
Be prepared for the stampede of freshman this will draw in. Otherwise, fuck yeah, Jell-O shots for everyone! Your generosity is renowned and respected. We’re all just trying to have a good time without extreme body tremors upon checking our bank account.
Cuddly drunks everywhere will hold you to the highest degree. People are excellent for snuggling, but cats are better. And so are dogs, and so are hamsters. PETS. Also, total babe magnet. If it’s fluffy and cute—consider yourself laid. Just make sure to keep an eye out; there is bound to be more than one girl trying to smuggle out your furry friend in her purse (probably us).