Where do professors come from? Where do they go during their DAMN office hours? The Black Sheep compiled the top ten likely places professor go when they’re supposed to be available to talk to students about crappy GPAs.
10.) A trash pile:
Located somewhere in the woods behind campus, the trash pile is home to rusted and broken appliances and cars. It’s fitting that some professors would find comfort and solitude in a giant pile of trash. You know what they say: garbage attracts even more garbage.
9.) The elusive teacher’s lounge:
Can any student say they’ve actually seen a teacher’s lounge at GVSU? That’s the “beauty” of professors hiding there, which is pretty cowardly. Professors should at least be honest if they’re going to avoid us. Don’t they owe us that much respect?
On the west side of Michigan, it’s weirdly not that weird how much people are into church. And really, can we blame professors for wanting to repent their sins? Surely, they’ve racked up a lot of points on the sin-o-meter, like lying about being at their goddamn office hours.
7.) The bathroom:
Some professors must be spending 30+ minutes in the loo/john/crapper. They should either lay off the coffee and consult their physician or at least admit that they don’t want to talk to any of their students because no one can poop for that long. Fact.
6.) A liquor store:
We get it, professors sometimes have a hard day of reading from a PowerPoint presentation. Sure, sometimes it’s tiring to not grade the essays your students worked hard on. Yeah, we bet you had a stressful day doing a job you get paid for. Get turnt, professors, you’ve earned it.
5.) A parking lot:
Let’s give professors some benefit of the doubt because parking is a shit storm on campus right now. Instead of being at their office, maybe they’re just circling around a parking lot and crying hysterically. Believe it or not, sometimes professors are people just like us.
4.) Their home:
This might shock and surprise you, but professors don’t actually live on campus. And despite how much our economy sucks, some of them even own houses. Yep, miracles happen every day. Now if only they would show up to their office hours because that would truly be a miracle.
3.) Panera Bread:
Surprisingly, like we mentioned before, professors are people too, and they like Panera. They even occasionally eat food to sustain themselves because no one can actually resist that mac ‘n’ cheese. If it were any other eatery that professors were helpless to, we might be mad. Instead, we understand.
In a most desperate attempt to avoid student interactions, some professors even go outside into nature. Ugh. But little do they know that some nature is just as annoying as the honors student trying to change their grade from an A- to and A. Can you say “mosquitos?”
1.) Another dimension:
Maybe some professors are so annoyed at answering their students’ questions that one day they decided to perfect the wormhole. Which is some cool science-y shit, but some of us would (gasp!) actually like to pass our classes.