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Top 10 Reasons My Mom Says People Make Fun of ISU

We’ve all heard the criticism. No matter how much better we are than every other school (and we seriously are, seriously), they still make fun of us. “You guys are dumb,” “You couldn’t get into a real school,” or “You’re so poor you went to State.” Well, I asked my mom and she confirmed what we’ve all been thinking: they’re just jealous! Here’s the top 10 reasons she said the other schools make fun of us.

 

10.) They’re Jealous: “Oh, they’re just teasing you. They wish they could go to the 74th best public school in the country. I bet they went somewhere in the 100s. No one’s smarter than my little pookie!”

 

9.) The Train: “Cupcake, you know I’m not a scientist, but I have to think having railroad tracks right next to the school could inhibit your learning. Every Friday night when I call, you hang up and say there’s a train going by. I saw a Dateline special about evil trains… or maybe it was boats.”

 

8.) We Spread the Red: “Well muffin, they do have a point. It does sound a little… venereal, don’t you think? I mean… are you being safe? Hold on, get me a banana, I have to show you something.”

 

7.) The Water: “Well your grades have been lower than usual, booger bear. It must be something in the water. Which I hear you shouldn’t drink if you’re pregnant! Dateline had a very good special on acid rain. You’re not drinking any acid rain are you, poopsie?”

 

6.) Which ISU are You?: “I forget again, which is it? University of the State of Illinois? No because that would be USI. I still get you all mixed up with Idaho State. Sugar, you’re just so fond of those acronyms… it’s confusing!”

 

5.) We’re Good Looking: “Well I’ve always said you were beautiful; you know, because you emerged from my beautiful birth canal? But your roommate is really quite attractive. So I can imagine the other kids that go there… Should I get the banana again?”

 

4.) Subway: “Baby, I’m sure no one is going to say this to your face… but you reek like sandwiches. Just… all the time, whenever I see you. You either need to shower more or you desperately need to eat something else. Do they have other food there?”

 

3.) It’s Cheaper: “Sweetums, do you know how much money you’re saving going to a state school? Do you want to be like those Wesleyan kids and spend $40,000 a year? No. No one wants to be like them.”

 

2.) Reggie: “Look at all the jokes your mascot leaves for them to make fun of you: ‘bird-brain,’ ‘hollow bones,’ ‘fattie-the-fat-bird.’ And those are just off the top of my head. Speaking of which, how often do you go to Watterson, baby bird? You’re getting a little chubby.”

 

1.) We’re in Normal, IL: “Honey, no one is going to take you seriously coming from a town called ‘Normal.’ You’re exceptional, not normal.”

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