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Top 10 Things Basic Bros Bring to College


Basic Bros are highly prevalent at state universities, and GVSU is no exception. Many roommates have gotten stuck with these individuals and have written horror stories about their experiences. We’ve compiled a list of items that these Basic Bros bring to college so you will know what to expect from these Basic Bro roommates.


10.) Guitar:




They won’t be able to play, but that won’t stop them! Practice makes perfect, and it doesn’t matter what time of day it is as long as you’re home and trying to get something accomplished that requires focus and silence.


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9.) A Girlfriend From Back Home:




You’ve never really seen this girl but he swears that he has a girlfriend. You looked on his Facebook and Twitter and didn’t find any indicators, which makes you a bit skeptical. He does leave every weekend to “go see her” but you never see any pictures of his trips. Suspicious.


8.) A Football (They’re Going to Try Out For the Team, Maybe):




They played for their high school team as third-string punter (he played one game his sophomore year because his mom yelled at his coach for not being put in). Regardless, he still has a football and will toss it up and down on his bed every once in a while while in “philosophical thought” about Pizza Rolls.


7.) Eight Dozen Pairs of Nike Elites:




Supposedly, these are the bee’s knees in regards to footwear. He has enough to wear one every day for an entire month without washing because he won’t wash them until he brings them home over a break to make his mom clean them instead.


6.) His Lucky Sex Underwear:




He’ll claim that he’s laid at least three girls the days he wore these underwear and this has given him the grounds to wear these underwear every day of the week without fail. No laundry? No problem.


5.) Nerf Basketball Hoop:




This will be set up day one on college move-in, but will not be used after the first three days because he’ll get tired of chasing the ball around. Thus, it’ll become an eyesore and be taken down and sat in the living room until the year comes to an end.


4.) “Ironic” Party Shirts:




His “LMFAO” t-shirt purchased at PacSun or Spencers was made for college parties because they’re absolutely hilarious and everyone loves him when he wears these shirts.


3.) High School Letterman Jacket:




He has to keep warm and still show off pride for being a high school athlete at a D4 school. He just had to sign up to be on the team!


2.) Cleanliness (The Lack Of):




Let’s face it, men are not the cleanest creatures to roam the earth already, let alone if they’re a basic bro. There will be an ever-present musk that no matter how much Febreze is sprayed, the smell will still linger until they finally leave for the weekend to visit their fake girlfriend back at home.


1.) Resistance to Alcohol:




By the time this bro has gotten to college, he’s snuck into at least two “epic” keggers at [Insert local state university here] this summer. Therefore, he can down at least five shots before passing out as opposed to three when he first started drinking a few months ago.


Do you live with a guy that brought one of these things to college? It may be that they are a full-blown basic bro. There isn’t much you can do about it besides live with it as every day will be a struggle listening to their stories from high school about how they smoked so much weed at that one dope party. Better you than us!


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