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Top 10 Things GVSU Freshmen Would Do If Left Alone During Winter Break

 

 

Mom and dad don’t want you home for the break, how sad. Take a few activities from this list and turn “sad” to “glad,” or at least a little less depressed.

 

10.) Jack-off Around Campus:

If there’s one thing that’s inappropriate to do on campus, it’s getting off to some porn in public. However, with the professors and most of the police force away, who’s stopping you from getting frisky with your hands wherever you want? Go crazy in the new science building, or in Padnos for all you creeps into necrophilia. Or go circle jerk outside and see who can hold out the longest in the Allendale cold.

 

9.) Snow Games…INSIDE:

This generation has a thing about going outside. There’s no electricity, no warmth, and if you travel too far from the buildings, no WiFi (AHHHHHH!). But who doesn’t want the fun of sledding and snow angels to be had each winter? Bring the snow inside! Line the halls with snow and fill up the staircases for awesome ramps. Make snow angels and snowmen all while remaining warm. The snow won’t melt, we promise.

 

8.) “PARTAY:”

Stick it to the man by throwing an awesome party (alone) in your 20 x 10 dorm room. It’s a dry campus, sure, but it’s break, and who’s really going to give a shit? Go crazy and ride that wrecking ball and actually venture outside your room while being drunk as hell. There’s nobody here to stop you!

 

7.) Dance Naked in the Woods:

Nothing’s more exciting than having a weird ritual-like dance in the middle of winter with Mother Nature! No one’s around to claim you’re worshipping some evil deity or sacrificing virgins. Enjoy the judgement free zone and get your groove on!

 

6.) Set Shit on Fire:

No break is real unless there’s a bonfire. Unfortunately in winter there’s the issue of wet wood, so no real bonfire can be done. That is, until a giant pile of dorm bunk beds are used for tinder. Hooray for s’mores in the winter!

 

5.) Go to State:

Let’s be real, GV can be pretty boring even when school is in session, so being alone during break would get a little lonesome. How about you head to State for a much needed escape? More stuff to do, and less cows.

 

4.) Rollerblade Inside:

Screw all those damn signs that tell you how to live your life! If you want to rollerblade everywhere, freakin’ rollerblade everywhere. We recommend indoors for warmth.

 

3.) Go to Meijer:

You could spend multiple days roaming around Meijer if you really wanted. With their 24/7 service and multiple home goods sections, it’ll be easy enough to not only feed yourself, but make some blanket forts and camp out there for a night or two.

 

2.) So Many Orgies:

The RAs won’t be around for break, so why not indulge in a massive floor orgy? Not only is it a great way to bond, each dorm has the perfect main lobby to get it on. Without supervision, no one can stop the horniness!

 

1.) Sleep:

Realistically, GVSU freshmen would do nothing more than stay in and sleep with maybe a bit of Netflix and Chill in between. After a rough first semester and the end of exams, you’ll want nothing more than to curl up in the cot they call a bed and hibernate until next semester.

 

Whether your parents forgot about you or you remained on campus by choice, hopefully you’ll find some ways to occupy your time. Just stay safe out there freshmen, clean up after your orgies and try not to burn the school to the ground, we’d all like to return to a slightly intact campus.

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