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Top 10: Things Pitt Students Don’t Give a Shit About

Are you interested in attending Pitt and about to come for a tour? Are you visiting your boyfriend because you go to Grove City and couldn’t stand another chapel session? Maybe you’re just new here and have yet to learn that Pittsburgh is a diverse and unique city full of academics, artists, and blue collar workers (but mostly blue collar workers). Compiled is a list of things Pitt students don’t care about or have just become callused to. They may amaze, befuddle, disturb, or disgust you, but honestly, we don’t give a shit.


10.) Yinzers:
Often clothed in a faded Steelers jersey and always rocking a hairstyle from the late 80’s, yinzers are proud Pittsburgh natives. Along with a chain-smoking habit, yinzers have developed their own language to cope with the blue collar depression of Western Pennsylvania. The layman hears “Woll, yinz go dahn ‘air and turn right where Tree Rivers usta’ be.” Pitt students hear “Well, you go down there and turn right where Three Rivers (Stadium) used to be.” To cope with a yinzer, avoid bringing up politics, sports, or the fact that you’re from Philly.


9.) Bus Riding:
Pitt students get to ride the bus for free (or for $20k if you add in tuition) and that means that we ride the bus a lot. We can’t promise you that your trip will be smooth and steady given the appearance of a pot hole every ten feet. We can promise that there will be at least one entertaining vagrant per ride. This will get old a lot quicker than you’d think.


8.) Hills:
Unless you’re from San Francisco, you’re going to wonder why the hell someone would build a city on mountains. Wearing anything short of hiking boots at any given point during your time here is an amateur mistake at best and a torn Achilles at worst. If you’ve got a class in David Lawrence and you live in Sutherland, may God have mercy on your soles.


7.) City Smell:
Exhaust, sewage, and cigarette smoke. This is the perfume that Oakland wears. I describe it as a haymaker to your nose. Much like the burning taste of Vlad, after your first few weeks here it begins to wear off.


6.) Suitcase:
There is a therapy rabbit on campus whose name is Suitcase. I’d make a joke here, but the little bugger has dedicated his life to helping those in need. Rock on Suitcase, rock on.


5.) Weather:
“It rains here more than it does in Seattle,” says a Pathfinder who may or may not be lying throughout her entire tour in order to scam kids into coming to Pitt. But seriously the weather is crazier than a weekend at IUP. In one day I’ve witnessed a blizzard in the morning, a high of 78 at noon, and a torrential downpour in the evening. Always carry an umbrella. Never complain because it WILL GET WORSE.


4.) The Cathedral of Learning:
Okay, this one might actually be a lie. You get used to Cathy, but you’ll always feel a little tingle in your loins when you gaze upon her concrete wonder.


3.) Football:
Pitt is a basketball school, so there’s not as much love for football. While our season tickets are sold throughout the summer at an oozing pace, a certain school to the northeast of us sell out of theirs the day they are posted. Which is cool for them, but might we remind you of the reason behind their current NCAA sanctions?


2.) The Homeless:
Ask any student of Pitt about the homeless problem in Oakland and you’re answer is guaranteed to be “what?” The only homeless problem we care about is when there’s one sitting in front of the O and you’re jonesing for some fries. Also, don’t give them money, they’ll start to multiply.


1.) Any Other Pittsburgh School:
Duquesne is full of kids who couldn’t get into Pitt, RMU is a joke, Carlow and Chatham are essentially all girl boarding schools, Point Park requires a 2.0 high school GPA, and CMU is a bunch of nerds. If you ain’t Pitt, you ain’t shit.

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