Why go to class when you could just not go to class instead? You use financial aid for paying for your classes so what does it matter if you skip or attend anyway? No money outta your pockets!
Have we convinced you to skip class yet? If not, maybe these out-of-class activities will change your mind.
10.) Explore the ravines:
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be trapped below your peers on a bridge in need of being air-lifted out? Now you can do instead of imagine! There are a few unmarked hiking trails in Freshman Land just waiting for the squish of mud beneath your boots.
9.) Go to the Farmers Market:
Fresh food, dog treats, beeswax candles: what a collection! Spend your money on these knick-knacks and snacks instead of getting an education. Who knows, maybe one day you could end up like the vendor stall owners selling their wares in a parking lot to make little to no money. Neat!
8.) Lose your freaking mind:
It’s pretty easy to go bat-shit crazy when you have multiple assignments due on the same day and you don’t even have InDesign so how are you supposed to do the project anyway? Losing your mind is done simply when your stress is so overwhelming that your brain wires snap and you jump into the fountain outside of Henry Hall yelling about becoming an underwater sea monster instead of doing “this bullshit.” Going crazy takes time so this could be an all-day thing.
7.) Go to the Campus Health Center:
Does there really need to be anything wrong with you? Neh, but having a doctors’ note for half an hour of STD testing can get you out of a whole day of classes. After that you’re free to do pretty much anything else for the rest of the day. Plus, peeing in a cup can be fun…!
6.) Discover yourself (not sexually in public, please):
If this one is too touchy-feely for you/you hate who you are as a person, it may be best to ignore this idea. However, if you find yourself spending mass quantities of time in the philosophy department, or hanging from a hammock in the Arboretum, sit your ass down and think about who you are as a person and how to fix how you suck, unless you’re perfect.
5.) Check yourself for ticks:
Hey, man, hygiene is important. Why not shower and brush your hair a couple times a day instead of laying in a pool of your own sweat? While you’re at it, check your house for spiders and anything you need to end with fire. Have a friend join in for bonus fun. You can even make it a family event! WOWZERS!
4.) Spend too much money at Tim Horton’s:
Like coffee? And doughnuts? And sandwiches on weird-flavored bagels from Canadian recipes? Go on down the street to Tim Horton’s and fill your face with $21 worth of food (so, like, three things) while using their Wi-Fi to watch low-budget action movies as people stare and assume you’re working on a screenplay based on the laptop and stupid faces you’re making.
There’s a Coldstone inside too so make sure you save a few bucks for some ice cream.
3.) Hurl yourself off Little Mac:
You could say you’re into extreme sports but in some cases, hurling yourself off a bridge is better than going to class. And by “better” we mean “more educational” and “more rewarding.” Also, no group projects!
2.) Learn a useless skill:
This is a broad category for sure. Think of a skill not many people know how to do and watch enough Youtube tutorials until you’re the new grand master. These skills can be anything from underwater basket weaving to extensive knowledge of etymology. Impress strangers at parties with new magic tricks and with how fast you can chug any beer from Founders (foam included).
Walk out onto Lake Michigan Drive and show a little leg or stick out a thumb at passerbys. Hopefully someone (not an ax-murderer) will stop, pick you up, and take you far far away from school and this godforsaken farm town.