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Top 10 Things UD Seniors Will Do In the Last Stretch of School

 

The doom is looming for many Blue Hens. With graduation around the corner, they just don’t give a sh*t anymore, so they do these things.

 

10.) Bring a Nalgene to Delaware Growler:

Having a growler is its own special, cool thing if you’re the kind of person who always always always has craft beer. But as senior year goes on, you become less like the guy who refills your special glass jug with Dogfish Head for the weekend and more like the person who stops by to fill your travel mug with Bud Light for Spanish 104, which for whatever reason you put off until your senior year.

 

9.) Butt Funnel Netflix Shows:

“Binge watching” is a term that refers to watching it really fast, like eating food or drinking alcohol. But how do you describe true massive consumption? What other analogy can you make for watching a half season of House of Cards a day, and lacing that with some episodes of Veep, in an unending vicious cycle until it feels like you’re being bukkake’d by Aaron Sorkin’s writer’s room? Maybe “mainlining” is a more apt term.

 

8.) Homework?:

Will they? Most seniors will revert to their high school survival tactics of copying it in the ten minutes before class. The mentality goes from “This is what I need to get an A or B” to “This is what I need to keep my GPA above a 3.0.”

 

7.) Read The Black Sheep More Than Any Textbook:

First you skimmed chapters. Then you skimmed Sparknotes. Then you skimmed online Powerpoint slides you found on Google. Now you’re at the point where you’re reading this Top 10 list, hoping it’ll shed some light onto your final accounting class.

 

6.) Mix Beer and Grapefruit Juice in a Feeble Attempt to Make Wine:

You get to a certain point of ending college where you’re squeezing out as many drinking experiments as possible. You never had an eight-tentacle beer funnel, nor did you have an ice luge, but maybe you’ll become College Jesus today and make turn Juicy Juice into holy libations.

 

5.) Learn Library Napping Techniques:

Just because you’re on the way out doesn’t mean you’ll totally eliminate homework time. It will mean that you’ll start to bend how this time is spent, however. Suddenly, the weird chairs in the lobby are no longer James Bond villain pods, but incredibly comfy couch-chairs.

 

4.) Sleep in Graduation Robes:

You only use them once, right? Wrong, if you also realize that they’re really cozy to cuddle up in, especially when you’re in the library. Be on the lookout for people huddled in their graduation sacks throughout Morris in these last two months.

 

3.) Eat Pop Tarts Three Meals in a Row:

First they’re just easy breakfast. Then they’re easy lunch as well. Then you’re going through a box a day and your poop is just the crusts.

 

2.) Go Into the Fountain For the First Time Ever:

Yeah sure, everyone went into the fountain freshman year. It’s the freshman thing to do. Yet, if you notice, there are a lot more seniors going in spring semester saying “Let’s go into the fountain one last time!” than there are actual freshmen going in the fall. Something’s not adding up. If you want to go in the fountain, that’s okay, just know that there’s no real nostalgia attached.

 

1.) Slam Dunk Graduation Form With an Air of Defiance:

You’re graduating. There’s no one really standing in your way on this path. Yet, when you hand in that graduation form that all but guarantees you’ll graduate on time, you can’t help but try to throw it down really hard, as if the people taking it will try to stop you. And it’ll bend a lot on the way down, and the receptionist will look at you like “You had one job.” But it’ll be okay. Because you’re graduating.

 

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