Don’t miss out on all the hot sales happening on UW’s campus and at surrounding local businesses this year on Black Friday. Deals start as early as 10 a.m. on November 26th and go until 12:01 a.m. on Black Friday. So, in the immortal words of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, say “Smell ya later” to your family and go get shopping!
10.) 5% Off Bookstore Shit:
This may seem like a lame deal, but since everything in the bookstore basically costs one million dollars, you’re actually saving like $50,000 on that vintage crew-neck Xmas sweater.
9.) FREE Adderall to the First 50 People in Line at the Pharm School:
No purchase required! You don’t even have to be in the Pharm School to be eligible. From what we hear, though, everyone in the Pharm School needs a little (or a lot) of extra energy by this point in the semester. Fuck it! New deal: free cocaine to the first 100 people to visit the Pharm School.
8.) 50% off Thanksgiving Fishbowls at Wando’s:
They come in cranberry or sweet potato flavors and are stuffed with Grey Goose Vodka… because turkeys are sooooo overrated. Add gravy and corn on top for $2.00 extra.
7.) Terrace Chair Giveaway at Memorial Union:
Now, this one does have a catch. Construction workers have been complaining about the snow recently, so for every one hour of volunteer construction work you do at the union you will earn one free chair! They are getting in new chairs for the new terrace, so EVERYTHING MUST GO!! Limit 3 hours/chairs per person (may not earn duplicate chair colors). Job duties include: hammering things, screwing stuff, busting up cement, shoveling matter, dead rodent removal from basement, and porta-potty pumping.
6.) FREE Silverware at Gordon’s:
Oh, wait—that’s always a thing!
5.) 4 for 1 Week Old Bread at Milio’s:
$0.50 day old bread? Not today mothafucka! Pay just ten cents for 4 whole loaves of preservative free, homemade last week bread. It should still be good for a few more hours… or just cut the mold off. What doesn’t kill you only makes you vomit.
4.) FREE Cookies & Advising at CCAS:
Who? Where? We’re not sure, but apparently they are desperate to advise. They are trying to draw students in with cookies, at which point you will tell them you are interested in medicine, or theater, or any particular major—and they will advise you to talk to someone else who knows more about that. Oh, we googled the location, they’re in Ingraham. Not sure if the cookies are worth that hike doe.
3.) 2-4-1 Blackout Friday shots at Sellery’s Front Desk:
To all of the international and coastie students who aren’t lucky enough to make it home over Thanksgiving and Black Friday, the trashiest resident hall has taken pity on you. Unlimited Blackout Friday shots ‘til the desk closes. Be warned though, you should only take one… (Pssst, it’s everclear mixed with absinthe and a Xany)
2.) Business Professional Attire Thrift Resale at Grainger:
Did you fuck up that interview with P&G and have now decided to work at the post office instead? Do you now need some navy dickie shorts but only have a closet full of suits? Fear not; the business school has their annual Black Friday suit resale happening. Drop off all your failed interview attire for up to 25% of its original price.
1.) FREE Parking Anywhere on Campus:
Hahahaha, yeah right.
Remember to be safe. If some gigantor bitch is all up on that last moldy loaf of French bread at Milio’s, leave it alone and give them your wallet if they ask. If some scrawny asshole is stealing that sweet, fungus colony that is the last wheat loaf of bread, take it and, if you’re feeling it, ask them for their wallet.