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Top 10 Ways to Convince Your Family You Have it Together

 

Thanksgiving is a time for food, family, and answering all the annoying questions about how school’s going. Aunt Gail is asking about your grades, Uncle Albert is inquiring about your girlfriend/boyfriend (he doesn’t care which team you’re on), and Grandma wants to know how your brother is doing, even though you don’t have one. To combat these annoying questions, we’ve compiled a list of questions your family will probably ask, and what to say/do so that they feel confident that you have it together.

 

10.) Are You Eating Properly?:
The only way to combat this is to just smile and nod. Talk about how Meijer has so many organic options and you’ve gone gluten, dairy, and soy free. They’ll all believe you because you’ve lost all that weight on the actual diet you can afford as a college student: ramen and cheese.

College Diet

 

9.) How Are Those Grades?:
Absolutely fantastic. 4.0. All As. All you really need for this is Photoshop. Get a screen shot of your actual report, change some of those Cs to As, and print out the copy to post on the fridge. You don’t have to worry about the end of semester just yet.

 

8.) How’s Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend?:
He/she is fantastic, and you just need to give yourself a hickey somewhere you can reach in order to have evidence that you actually have one. Or buy a pair of skimpy underwear to hide in your laundry. Don’t worry, your family just doesn’t want you to die alone.

 

hickey

 

7.) What About Grad School?: 
Even though you weren’t planning on going to grad school, it doesn’t mean that your family won’t ask.. Pick one school and learn everything you can about them in a general and statistical sense. Then rant. Your family will get so bored that they’ll just congratulate you and continue shoving their faces full of pie. Not like they really care anyway.

 

6.) How Are Your Friends?: 
This is another instance where Photoshop comes in handy. Just Facebook-stalk some people from your class page and put them in some pictures with you. Then, show your family all the great pictures of your adventures with your “friends.”

 

Photoshop

 

5.) What Plans Do You Have for the Future? :
Usually you can avoid this if the extended family isn’t around, but just in case, pick something that will impress. Even if it’s not your major, just insert doctor/nurse/lawyer and that will woo your family, giving them confidence that you’ve got it together.

 

4.) Why Aren’t You Coming Home Often?:
This is usually just asked by those who truly miss you (your mom), and all you have to do is tell her you’re busy with school and have a smokin’ hot significant other you have to dedicate time to. This is a good enough answer to make her proud and accept it.

 

Photoshop

 

3.) You’re Not Partying Too Much, Right?:
You can’t recall a single weekend from school so far, but that’s where imagination comes into play. Just gush about how you’ve spent the past semester studying every weekend until the wee hours of the morning, that’s why you can do nothing but sleep when you come home.

 

2.) Are You Ready For Finals?:
Up until this point, you probably didn’t realize that finals are in two weeks. But, as long as you bring your book bag home and spread your textbooks out on your bed, your family will see you’re “studying” hard and not even question your readiness.

 

communitystudy

 

1.) How Do You Spend Your Free Time?:
Just make up some bullshit about how you’re on all these different sports teams, the student senate, and working as a tutor for math. Pay some people to be your “friends” for pictorial proof that you’re social and not just binge-watching Breaking Bad.

 

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