This semester you’ve spent a little more than you wanted. You spent your money on Popeye’s chicken, bulk orders of Burnett’s Mango Vodka, bribes to the Druids to get into their super secret cool club, and public urination citations. It’s time you find some creative ways to score big winnings. Here are our Top 10 ways you can be a big baller come January 5th.
Babysitting is a daily reminder to wrap it up before meeting that Tinder match for some holiday cheer. It’s also an easy way to score some sweet keesh by just watching movies and eating other people’s food only because people think you’re “responsible” enough to trust you with their children’s lives.
9.) High school job:
You can tell all the high schoolers there about the time you went 22-0 on the table for beer pong, or the time you road the Pitt Panther onto the field and ate Duke’s Blue Devil before the game even started. It doesn’t matter if it’s true, just make some money and inflate your ego, win-win.
8.) Crowd fund your way to the bank:
All you need to do is stay in your house for the rest of break so that no one sees you, and you could be rolling in the Benjamin’s by doing nothing. Lazy money is the best money.
7.) Sell your idea to Mark Cuban on Shark Tank:
All you engineers have been slaving away in Benedum creating those ingenious inventions all semester. It’s time to take them to Mark Cuban and get the $10,000 buyout that you deserve, not the B- that your professor gave you.
6.) Yankee Candle sale to Holland girls:
Sage and Citrus, Vineyard, French Vanilla, Essence of Methane, whatever you have in stock, the lovely ladies of Holland Hall need them. Do the right thing, sell some pungent odors to them and let them set the mood and re-watch both seasons of Orange is the New Black in olfactory heaven.
5.) Create a market swipe exchange website and go public:
Here is what you do: find out who has unlimited swipes, take their information, write some basic code you learned in Intro to Java last semester, and create an app. Use those bastards who have unlimited swipes like the members of the world’s oldest profession that they are and go public. Then smile as other college’s cash is dumped on your face.
4.) Play Tequila Russian Roulette with Neil Diamond for the rights of “Sweet Caroline”:
You didn’t drink Hornito’s every weekend for the past three months just because you liked the taste, you drank it because you knew your shining moment of glory was coming, and now the only obstacle is the old and glittery Neil Diamond. Take him down and become the owner of the best ballad in Pitt history.
3.) Throw a New Years Party:
Throw a party, water down the Jungle Juice and buy a keg of Natty. Then charge $10 to enter and count your money.
2.) Sell off your notes:
Be your entrepreneurial self and help out all those students who don’t ant to purchase any textbooks. Sell your notes for $5 a page. Twenty pages of psychology notes later, you have yourself money for 3 bottles of decently expensive rum for you to go through during Syllabus Week.
1.) Tell your Grandma you love her:
Take an afternoon, drive over, talk to her about John Wayne, explain to her what a major in bioinformatics does, eat her 5-course lunch, and you’ll be sure to leave with a bag of sugar cookies, old perfume on your clothes, and a pocket full of cash.