Let’s face it: college is scary. It’s like the walk up to a bungee jump, you wonder what the hell you were thinking when you paid all that money for this. Add the pressure of Clemson being a top-20 public university, and it’s a stressful nightmare. Really, the only possible way to come out of college with something to show for all the debt you’ve acquired is to practice some extreme multitasking.
10.) Go to late-night Fike Classes: There is no better way to procrastinate than Zumba. You’ll burn so many calories you’ll have to go to Cook-Out with friends! With all those endorphins and all that sugary, milkshaky goodness in your system, it’ll be such a double boost to your happiness and you won’t even feel bad for procrastinating anymore—after all, you just worked on your fitness and your social life, which are definitely just as important as grades.
9.) Onesies: There’s no need for a sauna when you can strut around campus in an awesome onesie in ninety-degree weather. You’ll sweat out all those toxins and, if you choose your costume wisely (like one of those popular pumpkin suits or a baby tiger ensemble) you can count on some high-fives, helping you fill your lonely heart.
8.) The Foreign Exchange Program: It never hurt to have a study buddy who actually knows the language you’ve been banking on semi-learning for your foreign language requirement, and everyone back home will think you’re cool and cultured for having a friend from another country.
7.) Bike to Class: You can leave later because you won’t hit any traffic, allowing you to catch up on valuable sleep—plus, you’ll save money because biking is the only sure way to make Clemson Parking Services leaves you alone.
6.) Netflix: What did you think all that buffering time was for? Obviously, the Netflix gods want college students to be able to study while they binge watch Orange is the New Black. You’ll be book smart and street smart in no time.
5.) Have a Dog: Preferably a puppy. Really, there is no better way to justify spontaneous adventures than your reliable furry sidekick, and with a dog as your wingman, meeting people will be a breeze.
4.) Live in Thornhill: You’ll gain valuable domestic skills, such as de-clogging toilets, strategically lighting candles when the power goes out, and battling giant rats and spiders. Plus, you’ll do all this while getting the authentic number-three-happiest-in-the-nation Clemson experience, because nothing makes Clemson students happier than being on a first-name basis with maintenance.
3.) Give Your Parents a Tour: You don’t have to do anything but let them marvel at the beautiful Clemson scenery. They’ll think you go to class because you know where all the buildings are, which will convince them that their tuition money is well spent. As an added bonus, they’ll be too tired from all the hills to want to come see to your apartment – and let’s face it, there’s no knowing what might be lurking back there.
2.) Wait for the CAT Bus: The endless stream of drivers leaving you behind will give you plenty of time to contemplate your life choices, reevaluate them, and decide on the perfect major to help you win at life (seriously, the last change of majors). Plus you’ll work up a sweat, both physically and mentally, trying to end an unwanted conversation with the deranged, aggressively social townie in the seat next to you.
1.) Go Greek: Really, where else could you make this many friends, drink that much free booze, and build your resume? That’s right. Nowhere.