Since Halloween is on a Saturday this year, you’ll have at least three nights of costuming, so why not dress up as some of Grand Valley’s most-beloved, um, characters?
5.) T. Haas:
Why: He’s the president of Grand Valley, duh. If you don’t know that, you’re the kind of kid who goes home every weekend. Who wouldn’t wanna be T. Haas! That suit, that tie…Dressed as T. Haas, you’re gonna get mad poon from, like, middle-aged women (Is that weird? That’s probably weird…).
What you’ll need: A suit, a wig, and a diagonally-striped tie.
Bonus: Pretend to be the real T. Haas and fire the professors you hate which definitely won’t make class awkward come Monday.
4.) Louie the Laker:
Why: He’s the sexiest mascot in Division II, if not the world. If you ever needed an opportunity to flex, here it is.
What you’ll need: Blue pants, blue and white striped shirt, captain’s hat, black boots, and a sharpie to give yourself an anchor tattoo (unless you already have one).
Bonus: If you can get your hands on the official mascot suit, everyone will think you’re the real Louie and you’ll end up in every freshman’s profile picture and do so many beer pong celeb shots.
3.) The Cook Carillon Clock Tower:
Why: It’s a phallic symbol.
What you’ll need: Cardboard, tape, three analog clocks (one for each side of the tower; your face goes out the remaining side), and a sharpie to draw the brick detail.
Bonus: Every hour on the hour make Carillion noises. Be the a-hole who interrupts conversations with your annoying “BONG” just like the real tower. We know you’ve mimicked the clock tower before and now is the time to put those skills to use, making drunk people laugh and sober people very annoyed. Do it whenever anyone asks you the time for even more laughs!
2.) Hey there Laker! Guy (Lewis Stone):
Why: He’s GVSU’s best known (only?) student celebrity, and “arguably, the most important man on campus,” according to our exclusive interview with him just a few weeks ago (um, if you didn’t read it, you need to).
What you’ll need: Navy blue “I am Grand Valley” t-shirt, hair gel, wristband, and a rather large mouth (you already have this, just work on undoing the hard work of all those years concealing it).
Bonus: If you can steal the cutout and carry it around with you, people might think that instead of a person and a piece of cardboard, you’re identical twins. Hello, double candy! (Yeah, if you choose this costume, we assume you’re going trick-or-treating as an adult. Double candy!)
1.) Wrecking Ball:
Why: A.) It got us on the news. B.) It is actually really fun to swing on (sorry, not sorry, freshmen and sophomores). C.) Nudity. D.) It’s pretty much the only thing that all GVSU students ever came together over… E.) …and we still lost, because it’s fenced in now, so it’s become a symbol of oppression, probably the only oppression our overwhelmingly WASP-y student body has ever faced.
What you’ll need: Cardboard, tape, a shirt you don’t care about ruining, and silver spray paint.
Bonus: This can be a great couple’s costume! Get your significant other to dress (or in this case, undress) as Miley. Give your Miley a piggy back ride to every Halloween party or grocery store and you’ll perfectly replicate the look from the music video. And probably get laid; girls love being carried.