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Top 5 Places to Have Sex at GVSU


You’re in college now and finally managed to get with someone that will willingly bump uglies with you. Now the concern is where to do the deed. Well it’s a good thing you have The Black Sheep because we’re obviously sexperts on the best locations at GV. These will provide for the sexiest and most aesthetically-pleasing experience (something has to be pleasing at least).


5.) T. Haas’ office:




Being located on the fifth floor with a scenic view of all of the west part of Grand Rapids, T. Haas’ office definitely had to make this list. The room is spacious and will make you feel as though you are CEO of a very well-off company. Plus, many people will come to the room throughout the day making it even more sexy and scandalous that you are even trying to get away with the act.


Bonus sex points are given if you do the deed with T. Haas watching from his chair.


4.) Fresh Food’s counter:




You remember the dirty-ass tables where your peers feed you slightly extremely undercooked “food?” Well, get up on one of those and go to town with your partner. The grease from the tables will add extra lube for pleasure and ensure that both partners are having a wonderful experience. And, when you’re done, you don’t even have to clean up because literally rubbing a naked ass on the counter will make them cleaner than they were before. Campus Dining will probably thank you.


3.) Your least favorite professor’s office:




You were required to take some bullshit class about the chemical components of water sources of the 1800s, and boy do you hate that professor! Well it is a good thing that you’ll be able to get back at them without affecting your grade! Simply go to office hours (you’ll get bonus school points for doing this), remove the professor from the room, lock the door, and get to getting it on, yo. Or you don’t have to remove the professor…Movement Science probably has some “exercise equipment” you can borrow.


2.) On the floor in Kirkhof’s lobby:



This location is a bit less tricky than previous examples. All you have to do in this one is go to Kirkhof, lie naked on the floor (next to where all the tablers are) and engage in coitus with your partner. Don’t mind the people moving around you, they’re just there for the experience and should be delighted that they get to see you and your partner’s naked bodies on their way to their Human Sexuality course. You’re basically giving people real-word application to their studies so they should be thanking you! Plus it’s not like that guy in NERF Club has actually seen a real-life boob before.


1.) Your roommate’s bed:




Your roommate is a poopyface tomatonose. He/she doesn’t clean, engage in small conversations when you get home, and are always around so you can never get it on with yourself. Well, it’s time to get back at them. When your roommate finally is away (when they go to Quidditch practice), climb up onto his/her bed with your partner and unleash the fury of 200 nights of sleeplessness caused by their affinity to obnoxious thrash metal music. Hump until your “heart” explodes all over his/her mattress. Mission accomplished.


Next time you are thinking about doing the sex with another person (as opposed to yourself) remember this list of locations and, hey, why not come up with some of your own? Tweet us @TheBlackSheepGV some additional locations you can or have had sex at so we can add them to the list!


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