It’s the middle of summer in Delaware and the sun’s out to get you, but you still want to make the most of it. Luckily The Black Sheep has done extensive research and compiled a list of things physically impossible to do in this heat to ensure that you don’t fall victim to the vicious attacks of the sun.
Crossing the north campus railroad to class on any regular day is a very dangerous venture, but with the sun working tirelessly towards your demise, you run a constant risk of collapsing from the heat right on top of the train tracks.
The weather seems perfect for pushing aside all your responsibilities in favor of going out on the green behind memorial with your stand-in friend to get a tan or even read 50 Shades of Grey. However, with the sun being unreasonable evil, it creates the perfect conditions for the grass, trees, and even you to burst into flames. Plus that grey book makes the perfect tinder for a flesh barbecue of your temporary pal.
A simple trip down the gym to get swole and take an Instagram worthy workout selfie can end with you feeling sore long before you even reach the gym because the temperature on the final stretch of asphalt leading up to the gym is a deathwalk akin only to a stroll through hell itself. Leaving all who dare to tread it with bone searing third degree burns.
Everyone including the balding 53-year-old professor that assigned you this paper knew that you wouldn’t be able to turn it in on time, but even with your 2-week extension, it’s just way too hot to crank out 30 double-spaced pages of your usual attempt at academics. Even picking up a pencil will have you sweating profusely out of every gland which will drench all the “important” notes you took during class.
Handing over your hard earned money to any institution can turn anyone into a hothead. But when it comes to the Delaware summertime, any slight elevations of body temperature can cause your body to spontaneously explode in the most violent way possible. More importantly, your hard earned cash will do the same. Definitely not something you should risk, just evade debt collectors and hope they burst into flame.
Now that you’ve crossed these items off your to do list, you can resume watching Netflix, drinking excessively, crying alone at 2 a.m. wishing your friends were here, or any other fun-filled activities the summer has to offer.