We get it. You’re at the top party school in the country. Why would you want to go home for a week to go cold turkey with alcohol and eat hot turkey? If that’s you, then you’re in luck because The Black Sheep put together a list of how you can stay on campus even when your dorm or fraternity kicks you out for the week.
6.) Vacuum Space Bag:
Mom was very adamant about you using Vacuum Space Bags to bring your clothing, alcohol, etc. to college more effectively. If you’re not familiar with a vacuum space bag, it’s a bag that you put stuff in and then connect to your vacuum to suck all the air out. To help you hide in your dorm when they kick you out, just put yourself in a space bag, have your roomie suck all the air out, and file yourself neatly away in the drawer under your bed for a week. You’ll be fine after nine days in a bag.
5.) Morrow Plots:
Are you breaking the law? Yeah. Is anyone going to be on campus except you because it’s Thanksgiving? No. So go for it; go sleep in the Morrow Plots. Go do some Corn and Chill. And if you do get caught hiding out in “da Plots” over break, at least they’ll take you to jail, which is nicer than your room inside Taft-Van Doren.
4.) The Stacks:
We’ve all heard about the dreaded stacks inside the library. Every high school book you never read is in there along with a lot of other classics. The Stacks are a good place to hide when you’re stuck on campus, because even though they say they lock all of campus during the holidays, they’ll never find you. You won’t find yourself in The Stacks. Unless you read some books and enlighten yourself, then you may actually find yourself.
3.) A Squirrel’s Hibernation Hole:
We’ve all seen the squirrels get pretty plump on their nuts from the Quad lately and we’re confident that one of those bigger holes could fit you, the freshman that lost 15 pounds this semester getting swole at the ARC every morning.
For real, if you’re quiet, bring a lot Pop-Tarts and PBR, and have a bottle to urinate in, then the closet is a real good place to hide for a week. And, your closet in your dorm locks, so you won’t have to come out all week!
1.) Tim Beckman’s House:
Remember him? Sure you do. He called your favorite Illini football players “wussies.” Well, his house is still on the market. So go take a look around this Thanksgiving break, and if you’re real ambitious you can just hide out in Timmy’s bed. No word on the availability of Phyllis’ house for hiding this Thanksgiving though…
So, time to go play some good ol’ Hide and Go Seek for the week. We’ll start counting.