It’s that time of the however many months it is when Pitt emails you to switch your password. Now, we get it Pitt, you care about being VERY cyber secure. You ask for a differentiated password, verify it on login, push, call, or text or whatever with Duo, take a urine sample, fingerprint us, and retinal scan every time we try to log into My Pitt. But, there’s one freedom we still have: our passwords. Here are a few strategies that Pitt students use every time the dreaded “change your My Pitt Passport Password” enters an inbox:
This password is the most basic and useful of them all… and the dumbest. It satisfies the special character, the number, and the capital letter… and the desire to be a moron and keep it way too simple. Patrick Gallagher would be displeased you are leaving his system open to such attacks and risks.
5.) Changing only the special character (i.e. 10Strippers! to 10Strippers$):
We know you’re lazy, you could be actually productive while changing your password, but no you’re here, which is why you will do this to change your password! And don’t think for a second that one of our passwords is 10Strippers$… it’s ‘8675threeohniiiiine!’ you scoundrels.
4.) Pitt related (i.e. CathyClub69^ or PatrickGallagherIsALizard-Person666):
You can’t possibly be that prideful that you have this as your password. No, the Pitt football squad will not get better because of it. No, you won’t join the Cathy Club. But, we can assure you you’ll forget it very easily. But props to whoever has ‘PatrickGallagherIsALizard-Person666.’
3.) Something from high school (i.e. Emokid111! or Pubes8====D):
C’mon, grow up here, you got into Pitt. These are Penn State level passwords. It’s like you just exited puberty and still fall for Proactiv commercials with that guy from Maroon 5 and The Voice. Maroon 5 is dead, The Voice is just a bunch of fluff and hand-picked contestants, and he never had acne. Your life is a sham.
2.) A form-suggestion (i.e. your mom’s cousin’s aunt’s maiden name or your first pasta dish as a kid):
These actually might work, given that nobody, not even you can remember your elementary school teachers. I mean, we can barely remember things on tests that matter, how are we to remember our first hot-dog stand as a kid? It’s even more sad when one of those questions don’t apply to you like ‘where was your first kiss?’ Depressing, I know.
1.) Don’t change your password, drop out, and become a bum due to overwhelming cyber security:
I mean, this is the easiest option, and really, nobody has ever seen anyone who didn’t change their password before the 15-day warning limit after they failed. Other than that guy who sings on Forbes. He did it when it was first introduced, he was the first to fail actually. Now he wails and laments his inability to change ‘Spongebob$quarepants1’ to something else. What would he have changed it to? We will never know.
Basically, just go change your passwords nerds. 0rn3verbeh3ardofa6ain!