Spring Break is around the corner. That means alcohol, Mexico, and not Chambana. Still, you’re going to miss doing a lot of things at U of I while you’re stuck at home or on vacation for a week. The Black Sheep compiled a list of what you’re going to miss doing when you’re not at UIUC over Spring Break:
7.) Eating With 1,000 of Your Closest Friends In the Ike:
There’s nothing like eating in the Ike, whether it’s alone or at a table full of your “friends.” However, Spring Break is one week where those options won’t exist anymore; instead, you’ll be suffering through awkward conversations about afternoons at Block with your parents and 13-year-old brother. The one benefit is home-cooked food, though.
6.) Talking About Lovie Smith:
Between new athletic director Josh Whitman and new football coach Lovie Smith, the “Lovie Effect” has taken over campus. Everyone – from that petting squirrels on the Quad to your astrophysics professor – can’t stop talking about the average NFL coach that Illinois has landed to turn-around their sub-par football program. When you’re in your suburban home for Spring Break next week, you’re going to miss talking about Lovie.
5.) Complaining About College Basketball:
While you talk about Lovie like he’s the savior for a 5-7 football team, you also talk just as much about how Illinois is atrocious at basketball. Since U of I isn’t in the NCAA Tournament this year, you won’t be able to complain about college basketball, which may be something you’ll miss doing – unless you make brackets.
Since there isn’t a verb for the act of using Tinder in the English language yet, Tindering seems like a good choice. Anyhow, don’t take the chance of using Tinder while you’re at home over Spring Break, unless you want to take the chance of matching with an old high school flame on the hook-up app. It isn’t worth the chance, but you’ll sure miss doing it in all of your free time.
3.) Hearing the Bernie Alarm:
With 2016 presidential candidate Bernie Sanders on campus speaking at the ARC this past Saturday, politically horny college students sounding the Bernie alarm by going “Bernie, Bernie, Bernie” will for sure be something you’ll miss doing and hearing while you’re at home over Spring Break. Unless you’re…
2.) Protesting Donald Trump:
If you’re not supporting Bernie, odds are you’re probably talking about how much of an asshole Donald Trump is. Since there’s a 100% chance your home is less liberal than Chambana, you won’t have the opportunities to support Bernie or protest Trump while you’re at home over Spring Break.
1.) Living in a Jail Cell:
And unlike having your old bedroom (that your parents have turned into a Hillary Clinton campaign headquarters) at home, you’re going to miss getting to come home to your 12×12 jail cell (AKA dorm) every night. On the bright side, you (hopefully) don’t need to wear footwear just to walk into the bathrooms at home.
So we’ll miss you, Illini, during your week-long vacation. Just remember that there’s only five more weeks to protest Trump and support Bernie following Spring Break!