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True Life: I’m a UVa Student

As if your superior intelligence and dashing good looks didn’t already clarify this enough, you’re a Hoo. For those of you going through a second semester identity crisis, we’ve compiled a list of events that prove your loyalty to the cavalier lifestyle. If you can’t relate to at least one of these sentiments then you’re probably like that guy from Mean Girls and don’t even go here.  

 

You’re taking a brief hiatus from being a sports fan
Specifically basketball. It’s not that you don’t love your Hoos, it’s just that you need time to detox from the emotional circumstance that was Saturday’s game. We get it. You’ll be back to normal once we cream UNC on Monday night.

 

You recently saw Drake at Boylan
According to yik yak, Drake was in town for the basketball game on Saturday. If you were at Boylan then you probably saw him (and Beyonce at Runk and Tupac at Bodos). Word on the street is that he was spreading game day cheer by buying shots for the whole place. Kind of like Santa but for broke college kids.

 

You’ve misplaced a $400 jacket
UVA’s class Facebook pages have been blowing up about lost jackets.  We get it, it’s bar season and shit happens, but you might not want to buy a Barbour jacket if you’re going to be irresponsible with it. Do you know how many Bodos trips that $400 could have bought you? Lots. 

 

You’ve gotten sick
And not just from alcohol. The black plague (cold and flu and… mumps?!) made an appearance on grounds and wiped out half of the student population. Apparently not enough students were infected to make getting a Duke ticket easier, though.

 

Your facial texture resembles sandpaper
Walking through the windy tundra that is Charlottesville has caused your face to crack and callus. At least it’ll come in handy if you have to do woodworking any time soon. Just rub your face on the wood and ta-da! Smooth edges.

 

Walking to your classes feels like an unfinished level of a videogame
Probably because everywhere you look there are buildings under construction and massive holes in the ground. Don’t worry, it’ll all be fixed… eventually. Like, when you have children old enough to come here or you start drawing from social security.

 

You’ve recently become friends with Tyler Lewis on Facebook
The moment he sunk that half-court shot at ESPN’s College Game Day you knew he had to be your friend. Well, get in line. His bank account isn’t the only thing that increased by 18k that day. Just check his friend list.

 

You cried when you saw the 2015 football schedule
Looks like we’re going to have another season of disappointment. As if it weren’t already bad enough that the coaching staff was renewed, we also have to play even more teams that frequent bowl games. You might want to start drinking now.

 

You watched boys get thrown up in the air while girls threw up gang signs
Boys and girls all across grounds have now gone through formal recruitment, joined their respective houses, and commenced the weird rituals. Kind of like Hogwarts but nowhere near as cool. For all of you muggles that don’t know what we’re talking about, check social media. The pictures are endless. 

 

Donuts made you scream
You found out Duck Donuts was coming to Charlottesville and immediately crapped your pants. It’ll never be Bodos, but can you really have too many awesome breakfast places? Besides, when you’re hungover you might not even be able to tell the difference. They’re both round and yummy.

 

When all is said and done, there are a million and one reasons why you should be proud to be a Wahoo. They even play a video at Football games that remind you of all the people out in the real world that feel the same way that you do. You bleed orange and blue and no doctor can prove otherwise. #Wahoowa

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