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‘Twas The Night Before UIUC Finals


‘Twas the night before Finals, when all through Chambana

Not a frat boy was drinking, not even a can of;

The review packets were hung by the desk with care,

In hopes that Phyllis Wise soon would be there;


The scholars were huddled all tight in the UGL;

While visions of disappointment danced in their bell;

And my roommate and I sat there studying like fighters,

Had just prepped our brains for a few long all-nighters,


When out on the Quad there arose no chatter,

Everyone was sitting in the library because grades matter.

I put my pencil and notes flat on the table,

But a semester of missing class made my hopes a fable.



With a little old psych book so lively and like,

I knew in a moment he must be Edward Thorndike.

Then I moved on to geography, a class scarier than others,

Maps and maps and learning about third world mothers.


Reading Day was over and I went for the Ike,

It wasn’t an obstacle; I still studied my psych;

I ate a salad and cookie and pizza and pasta

With a plate full of food, I needed to eat my meal faster—


And then, in a twinkling, I head back to the library

To get an “A,” I was going to need a magic fairy

As I got distracted, I felt like a chump,

I even began to ponder the future President Donald Trump.


My roomie was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of books he had on his back as he left for his test,

And he looked like a student ready to go make one big mess.


Two hours left for me, too much studying to go,

This test was going to be my lifelong foe.

I took another break, this one for The Black Sheep,

Need my Diego Manischewitz before my test goes bleep.


One hour left now, the panic grows near,

Am I the only one not having a sharpened pencil as a fear?

I saw some druggies in rugs smoking the pot,

Lucky them over in that parking lot.


It was time now to go, head off to the lab,

It’s snowing, do I take an Uber or a cab?

As I left my friend exclaimed, since he is my buddy–

“Happy Finals to all, and to all a good study!”


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