As the University Housing market becomes more competitive with luxury apartments popping up everywhere like very slick, minimalist weeds, Res Life has created a website that allows students to review their residence halls in the hope that the overwhelmingly positive feedback will draw students to live on campus for their university years. Let’s take a look at some of the reviews:
Overall Score: Pi out of Five
Location: Fine if you have classes on West Bank. Otherwise, you’ll definitely rack up steps on your pedometer.
Sleep Quality: Everyone is usually in bed by 9 p.m., but only on the honors floors.
Cleanliness: Sometimes someone leaves a math textbook out in the study area overnight. It that bothers you too much, another dorm is advisable.
Most Useful Review (30 out of 30 found this useful)
Overall Score: 4.20 Blazin’ out of Five
Location: St. Paul campus: the verdant oasis free from the burdens of civilization.
Sleep Quality: “Yeah, sleeping is really the only thing to do over here.”
Cleanliness: There’s soil and potted plants EVERYWHERE
Most Useful Review: (2 out of 3 people found this useful)
“We smoke so much pot over here. It’s ridiculous. We have nothing else to do. Sometimes we go cow tipping or let the pigs out and chase them around campus. Or we wander around the fields and think about the futility of our existence. It’s a good time.”
Overall Score: Four out of Five
Location: Oh yeah, Comstock is a dorm. We forget about it a lot. Sorry, Comstock 🙂
Sleep Quality: Quiet. Maybe a little too quiet.
Cleanliness: Fine, if you’re into that whole “clean” thing.
Most Useful Review: (10 out of 10 found this useful)
“Pioneer Hall is a wonderful place to stay. Pioneer has a very convenient location. Quiet on the whole, but you can find parties if you want to. Pioneer’s dining hall food leaves a little to be desired, but you’re right there near Stadium Village so you can do that if you want. I would definitely recommend Pioneer to anyone going to the U.”
Overall Score: Rekt out of Five.
Location: In Superblock. Very convenient if you’re a medical student. Really inconvenient if you’re studying anything else.
Sleep Quality: There is no sleep here. Only party. Party is love, party is life.
Cleanliness: “When I went to throw up in the toilet, they had cleaned off most of my vomit from last weekend!”
Most Useful Review: (61 out of 57 people found this useful)
“yeah so i staid in t-hall for Long Time And its ‘twas fun. lots of partying, totally turnt upt all time. i drank too much Smirnov and passt out in a bathroom, but then i totally woke up in a hospital with real dcotors n shit!! the staff callEd me an ambulance for free!!! A++++++++=+++. wood recommmend. girls good they’re too.” &*)
17th Avenue Hall:
Overall Score: 2.5 out of Five
Location: On frat row. Therefore, essentially a frat.
Sleep Quality: “Some guy was tripping balls and yelling outside my door all night. Couldn’t sleep. Wait, I think that maybe was my roommate. Or was that me? Are we all one?? What is life?”
Cleanliness: Ignore the food smeared on the walls: cleanliness is subjective.
Most Useful Review: (everyone found this equally useful)
“As a Marxist, I find this kind of bourgeois luxury insulting and offensive. Spending people’s money to give them goods and services is despicable. Our campus should be doing more to express economic equality across all dorms. Karl Marx was a visionary, and I don’t understand why the central tenets of socialism are not accepted here in the U.S. The dorm food is pretty fucking awesome though.”
If you have a review to submit of your dorm, please visit www.UniversityTripAdvisor.com and click the “Bitch About Your Dorm” section.