Connect with us
Connect with us

Campus Life

What Happens When a UIUC Freshman Rides the MTD Bus for the First Time

My name probably sounds new to you. It’s because I’m a UIUC freshman. I love it here and I’m finally starting to understand how this campus and college life works. After stepping in vomit on the bathroom floor during my first night of college, I realized I should probably wear shower shoes.

 

If there’s something I don’t understand, it’s the MTD bus system. But that all changed last Saturday night when I left the pit of hell that’s called Taft-Van Doren and stormed off for my first college bus ride! Yep, I decided to ride the bus for 90 minutes on a Friday to see what would happen

 

All of the following events and times are absolutely 100% true.

 

7:19: I walk out of the dorm. My RA already judges me for wearing the boating hat I have. Joke’s on him, he’s an RA.

 

7:20: I walk outside and take a selfie with the sign because that’s what everyone does, right?

 

Freshman Rides Bus UIUC 1

 

 

7:20:20: Car of most likely non-sober people drive past me on their way to Huff Hall for a volleyball game and yell “Go fish!” to me. I assume they’re talking about the card game.

 

7:24: I walk to bus stop at the Ike. I missed the bus.

 

 

7:25: I look at the futuristic digital sign that has all of the bus times. Next bus isn’t coming for 26 minutes. I swear to myself and decide to stay at the stop.

 

 

7:26: I take a selfie with the bus stop. I feel like I’ve done this before.

Freshman Rides Bus UIUC 2 (1)

 

7:30: I realize the next four buses are all going to Wal-Mart. I decide it’s time for a different bus, although I did need some more ramen and a 24-pack of Fresca.

 

7:31: I miss the crosswalk at Fourth and Gregory. I consider jaywalking, but I also consider that I enjoy my loaded wallet. #NorthShore

 

7:33: I end up jaywalking because I see a bus. F the police.

 

7:33: I walk on bus. Does this bus take café credits?

 

7:35: I’m the only one on this bus wearing a hat. Perhaps Champaign Fashion Week was last week.

 

7:37: A guy gets on bus. He starts pole dancing on the pole you use to stand up with. I didn’t want to throw my money at him and I was pretty close to asking him if he takes café credits.

 

7:39 Group comes and sits behind me. One girl says to other: “Damn girl, you have Google Maps? Apple Maps is where it’s at.” I’ve never heard someone ever care that much about a map app that much… aren’t we all on the same map?

 

7:40: I still don’t know what bus I’m on.

 

7:42: Guy in front just did a pull-up on the handles on the ceiling and sat back down. #swole

 

7:43: Everyone else got off the bus so I got off. I saw one guy stay on, so I got back on. Peer pressure is real.

 

7:44: New guy gets on. Tells me he’s gonna stand up on this bus. You do you, man.

 

7:45: Do you ever think about the squirrels that pee on the trees in the Quad and then people sit on those trees? #FirstTimeBusThoughts

 

7:46: we haven’t moved from PAR in 5 minutes. I silently pray for those who live in PAR because that’s basically as far away as Madagascar.

 

7:48: Two guys are sitting in back. One guy asks other, “Do you have a Snapchat? Snapchat everyone the next time I’m screwing Emily.” Emily must be a lucky girl.

 

7:48-8:06: Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, JSwipe, Tinder, Ashley Madison break.

 

8:06: Guy behind me tells friend he’s been reading Emerson’s essays.

 

8:06:15: Nope, they’re Thoreau’s.

 

8:06:20: Nope, definitely Emerson’s.

 

8:07: I move further up so I can make a friend (maybe?).

 

8:08: Bus driver asks me if I’m going to the Sweet Corn Festival. I say, “Yeah, my mom and I were actually close to buying a 3-day pass.”

 

8:09: Two girls get on the bus. One says to me “Nice hat.” I respond with “It’s my bus hat.” Aren’t I smooth? By smooth, I mean single.

Freshman Rides Bus UIUC 3

8:09: They have no idea what a bus hat is.

 

8:10: I keep talking to her. Her name was Edith! I got her Snapchat!

Freshman Rides Bus UIUC 4

8:11: I see the Panda Express on Green Street in the distance. I pull the lever on the window and get off. I love this school.

 

 

After devouring my Panda Express with the money my mom gave me, I realize I can’t get on the bus back to Taft Van-Doren Dormitory. I remove my bus hat and start the long trek home. Now, I’m going to go Snapchat Edith… or see if my mom got those corn festival tickets.

 

 

Continue Reading

More from Campus Life

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top